why did she break up?
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| Wed, 01-30-2008 - 3:10pm |
I dated my girlfriend for almost 6 months. there never seemed to be
any serious issues. then out of the blue, she said she wanted a break,
and then a week later she said she didn't feel the same way about me as I felt about her and told me that it was over.
She is a very smart girl, financially independent. Were both 25
The final 2 weeks or so, I could see her becoming a little sarcastic with me. She would never tell me anything was wrong though.
when we first started dating, she was all about me. Constantly calling, wanting to do things. within the first 2 months she talked about marriage and kids with me, and said she would move anywhere in the country with me where I got a job.
After the first 2.5 months, I went away for 6 weeks, came back once during that to visit her. We talked every day on the phone. She would tell me how much she missed me. After I came back for good, she said she wasn't sure if she could just move anywhere in the country. Then, the relationship went on as normal
she took me to meet her family a few weeks before it ended, and told me
how much they liked me. She told me that she barely ever takes her boyfriends home to meet her family. She then asked me to spend thanksgiving with her, but I told her I had to go home because I rarely get to see my family.
a few days before the breakup she was telling me where I could and couldn't go for my bachelor party when we got married, telling me how much she liked me, and asking me how much I liked her, and I told her a lot. everything seemed fine, and then she ended it. there are a few things that are in my mind of why this could be.
1. we grew up in different back grounds. my family had money, and
hers didn't. she had to work her way through school, while my family
helped me out. were both 25. im not sure how much of an affect our
financial situations could be. she never specifically said anything
about it, but would talk about the kids who had their parent spay for college
with sort of a bad tone.
2. she had 2 little dogs, which I wasn't very fond of. I tried my
best to let her know that I did not hate them, like she thought I did.
she let them sleep in the bed, which I didn't like. the whole 6
months, this was the only thing we ever really fought over. she loved these
dogs, called them her 'kids', but she really thought I hated them, even
though I told her I didn't.
3. it hadn't been 6 months yet, but I still had yet to tell her that I
loved her, even though I did. I was waiting for 6 months to come.
she broke things off with me a few days after her friend had told her
that she had told her boyfriend that she loved him. when she told me
that, I asked how long they had been dating, and she said 5 months. I
wonder if she was thinking to herself why I hadn't told her that.
4. she would always say how I had 2 years to propose to her. I told
her that was fine, but that we had to wait for my brother to get
married first, since he was older and had been dating his girlfriend for 4
years. I said it wouldn't be right of me to go before him. I think
that may have bothered her.
5. the sex in the relationship was fine. we had it about 2 times a
week. she never said she wanted more, and wanted anything different.
I assume she would have if she wanted to?
6. the one friend who I met of hers I could tell did not like me and
though we were very different. how much of an affect could her friend
have on her. Things never seemed the same after I met her friend
7. our birthdays are on back to back days. they came 2 months into
our relationship. she wanted to take me home that weekend. at first I
agreed, but then after I found out I had more time off from work, I
told her that my mom wanted me to come home for my birthday. I sent her
flowers on her birthday, and when I came back we went out to dinner.
was that enough on my part after 2 months. should I have stayed, or
gotten her a better gift?
8. finally, and I think could be the biggest, is that she had to work
in a bar on Friday and Saturday nights. due to this, we never got to
have a true social life with each other. we never got to go out and
party with each others friends. I only met 1 of her friends, and she
only met one of mine. the time we spent together, which was a fair amount
of time, it was only just us 2. we never had dinner with another
couple, or get to go out and party. she did like to party.
I told her I didn't want to come into the bar where she worked will all my friends
because I would feel uncomfortable having her wait on me and my
friends. was that wrong? I would ask her to take a night off so all of us
could go out together, but she would always say she needed the money so she
couldn't. is it a big issue not to have that social life together?
she never really got to see me in a social scene, besides the one time
we went out with 1 of my friends early on. would it have made a big
difference if I would have gone into her bar so she could see me with
my friends and I could meet her friends? is that enough to end a
relationship. I did ask her if it upset her that I didn't come in to the bar, and she said no, just that she thought it was weird. I explained to her why I didn't want to go
because I didn't want her waiting on us, and said ' well that makes me
happy'. so I did ask, but I still wonder if not having any social
scenes together is enough to break it up, even though she was definite
looking for marriage.
after she wanted a break, a few days later I sent her flowers, and got no response. 10 days later, I tried to call her, left her a message. I couldn't take it anymore so I
texted her to ask if it was over, and she said yes. I tried to contact her
to talk about it, she would never talk to me, and would explain to me
how it could end so suddenly. she gave no specific reasons, only that
she didn't feel the same way, which I found to be weird considering all
the stuff she would say to me.
the final thing you should know is that 3 weeks after we broke up, she
met a guy at a wedding in Vegas. 2 weeks later she went to visit him
across the country. 2 weeks later he came to visit her here. she then
said how much she loved him. 2 weeks later she went to visit him in
his home town, met his friends. now, after knowing him for 2 months,
and having spent a total of maybe 10 days together in the same city, she
is moving across the country to live with him.
thank you very much"

This is a woman who act hastily and gets involved too fast. You can't posibly be really ready to marry someone after a couple of months, during the honeymoon phase.
Things calmed down and she realized that
If I called this girl a "psycho" it would be an understatement.
Go back and reread the post you've written, but pretend it was written by your best friend asking you for advice. What would you tell him? You would probably let him know that this girl is absolutely insane and that he needs to run the heck away.
Within a very short amount of time, this girl made up rules for your future bachelor party, pressured you to propose, broke up with you because you didn't say "I love you" soon enough, spoke about having kids and moving away with you... And you really think that your biggest problem was that you didn't have enough of a "social life" together??
You need to step back and take a SERIOUS look at why you tolerated this behavior.
Welcome to the board jim1502008,
I think ciao_gina got it right. I now it's not what you want to hear.