Why do I feel guilty for breaking up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2010
Why do I feel guilty for breaking up?
3
Wed, 02-19-2014 - 9:29am

Hi

Some of you may have read my previous posts. My live in BF and I broke up after 2.5 years. We didn't get along and were opposites. He moved out of my house last October. Now he wants to get back together. His house is over 2hours away.  HE use to live with me during the week and we would go to his lake house on the weekends. He only gave me $300 towards expensand plus groceries. He skiis and goes camping with his friends. I don't. I like ballroom dancing but had to give that up as he doesn't dance. Whenever we got together with his friends I was always left out of the conversation and felt left out

He is retiring the end of march and wants me to retire with him  we would live at his lake house. There nothing to do up theRe  the winters are harsh  No shopping. No health clubs. Nothing. He works in his cellar all day on woodworking and I would have to entertain myself all day. I would miss seeing my kids. Worst of all my college age son doesn't want to live there either as there is no jobb opportunities

I am much happier now. I go to concerts. I see my children and friends. I go dancing and enjoying life. So why do I feel so guilty for not getting back with him?  A sort of sense of obligation?  I know if I sat at the lake house during the winter day inNAND day out I would go nuts. Am I wrong for feeling guilty? After all he left me

Thanks for listening and yor thoughts

Best

Nancy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Wed, 02-19-2014 - 11:25am

I remember your previous posts. You sounded so unhappy, and now you sound happy and alive and in love with life. I don't know why you feel guilty, does your ex say things that make you feel guilty? Whatever, whenever you feel guilty or sorry for him read what you wrote here today. You two were not very compatible and he was a big weight pulling you down. Now that you are free and uplifted you should continue on this path. Tell him that its over, you hope he finds someone who shares his interests and that he enjoys his retirement. You're moving forward in the life that suits you. Then don't look back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 02-19-2014 - 11:32am

You have a choice:  Feel miserable day in and day out, or turn him down.  There's no reason to feel "guilty".  You can feel bad for him because he's not getting what he wants, but would you rather feel bad for yourself because you're putting yourself in a situation that you don't want to be in.  Your only obligation is to yourself, you have no obligation to him.  He's been gone 4 months, and he survived, and he will continue to survive.  You're happy, and you owe it to yourself to continue to be happy.  He found you, he'll find someone else.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 02-19-2014 - 11:42am

There is no reason to feel guilty.  You weren't married--you tried your best to have a relationship but he was not meeting your needs.  I'm sure you mentioned things to him that you didn't like many times, but he still did what he wanted to do, right?  so the consequence is that you broke up.  You know you would not be happy retiring at the lake house with nothing to do.  He probably just doesn't want to be alone--not that he doesn't like you, but he probably needs someone to cook and clean the house too.  A lot of men just don't like being alone.  but it doesn't make sense for him either.  Why doesn't he try to find someone who likes skiing and camping and would enjoy it instead of someone who was unhappy and didn't like doing those things.  Every time you start feeling guilty, just remember what you wrote--you are happier now.