Why do I feel this way?
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Why do I feel this way?
| Fri, 07-06-2007 - 11:39am |
I've been dating a wonderful man for 6 months. Last weekend we said "I love you" to each other for the first time. I do love him and want a lifetime commitment with him. All has been great between us until yesterday. We had plans to go to a free concert and I cancelled at the last minute. Yes, I will accept that it was a thoughtless thing to do and I apologized. However, (yes, I am making excuses here) I have spent the past 7 nights at his house, thus getting nothing done at my own home. We have tickets to a show tonight and are going out of town tomorrow. I realized last night that I had little to no time between then and tomorrow to do things to get ready for the trip (shopping, making a dish to take to a cookout, laundry, packing). Boyfriend had also made a statement last week about all the things he needed to take care of. I asked him if he would be disappointed if we didn't attend the concert. He told me "no" which was not the truth. I knew this as soon as he abruptly ended our phone conversation. When he didn't call me later in the night as he always does when we're not together I called him. He confirmed his upset; not that we didn't see the concert but that I cancelled at the last minute. I apologized profusely. Believe me, the last thing I want to do is hurt this man. Obviously it doesn't matter because he is giving me the cold shoulder. He always calls me on this way to work. No call today. I sent him a text message to tell him that I love him. No response. I am upset with him that he didn't tell me the truth in the first place yet I won't punish him for it. It's just not worth it to me.
I've been through similar experiences with men in the past; to the point of groveling and begging them not to be upset with me. For some reason the thought of someone being unhappy with me and possibly taking away their love makes me panic. I wasn't able to sleep last night and today it's all I can to not to leave work to go home and cry. I hate being this way. I also hate that he's being such a big baby! There have been a couple of instances in the past few weeks when I could have reacted just the same as he is now but chose not to because I knew he didn't intend to hurt me. If he leaves me over this I'll be crushed! I feel that I am blowing this whole thing out of proportion but feel powerless to bring myself under emotional control.
I've been through similar experiences with men in the past; to the point of groveling and begging them not to be upset with me. For some reason the thought of someone being unhappy with me and possibly taking away their love makes me panic. I wasn't able to sleep last night and today it's all I can to not to leave work to go home and cry. I hate being this way. I also hate that he's being such a big baby! There have been a couple of instances in the past few weeks when I could have reacted just the same as he is now but chose not to because I knew he didn't intend to hurt me. If he leaves me over this I'll be crushed! I feel that I am blowing this whole thing out of proportion but feel powerless to bring myself under emotional control.

You guys only know each other for 6 mons. Give him sometime to cool off.
Maybe he doesn't want a girl who cancel things on the last minute. I mean I wouldn't either.
So maybe you should appologize to him 1 more time and promise him that you won't cancel thing in the last minute. and then let him cool off. Wait for him to come around. If he doesn't then don't make yourself look desperate. Maybe he just wasn't meant to be.
I think you have apologized enough. You shouldn't have to be part of his game playing with the cold shoulder and hanging up abruptly and saying one thing when he means another.
Learn some lessons from this;
1)After six months you don't know enough about someone to plan a life with him and you are learning more about his personality.
2)Stop seeing each other everyday. It is unhealthy and gets in the way of your other responsibilities.
Have an adult conversation with him where you explain your feelings and really communicate about the issues that came up. But don't grovel anymore. Wait for him to contact you. If he leaves you over this, it isn't really over this one thing.
Edited 7/6/2007 8:16 pm ET by ciao__gina
Pull yourself together, woman! It's not the end of the world. If he leaves you over this, then HE is the fool. I mean really... Yes, it's disappointing and annoying that you canceled at the last minute, but it's not a big effing deal!
Please take note of his behavior because this is how he will behave in the future when things don't go his way.