Why Do I Get Stuck On Guys?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Why Do I Get Stuck On Guys?
2
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 11:23pm
It seems that whenever I start dating someone, I get really hung up on them. I think about them all the time, to the point where I get feelings for them...and usually what happens is they break the whole thing off because I want more than what they are willing to give. Why do I always put myself in these situations? It's happened five times in the last eight months.....what am I doing wrong?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 2:42am

well. that usually happens because you are looking for a 'guy' to 'complete' YOU, instead of bringing your 'complete self' to a relatinship. maybe something else is going on in your life right now, that you need to deal with, and instead of dealing with that, you are looking for a relationship. i am not surre.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 9:32pm
Guys want the same things girls want, I've been told. I.e., someone who will pass over others in preference for them, won't be too quick nor too needy but is still warm and genuine. I suspect you settle quickly, so the guys think you're just wanting a relationship rather than wanting THEM. Maybe you do just want a relationship, but you've got to play it cool but real. There's an art to "the game" and there's a lot of competition.

I understand obsessing, which is why I always tried to stay out of relationships. Finally, I just told a guy that was the way I was, and he understood. I never thought that would happen. Guys, like everyone else, want to feel special to someone. They don't want to feel like someone is just pursuing them because they want someone or something. It's tough, because some of us are needy. However, I'm sure you have values and standards; if you communicate those, you'll be more likely to attract the kind of guy you're looking for, rather than just any guy, I think. I would say don't be afraid to be real, but be sensitive to whatever verbal or non-verbal cues a guy may be sending. If you're like I was, you wish you could just skip all that and have it turn into something long-lasting and meaningful. However, most people don't think that way. Generally, getting into a relationship quickly isn't a good idea because even if you're not hiding anything, he may be. There just doesn't seem to be any way to get around old-fashioned building of love and trust in a relationship, that I've found. Even so, it can be very enjoyable and make for less problems in the future. Best wishes.