Why do men play games?
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| Mon, 01-12-2004 - 10:40am |
Now, I have been divorced for three years now, and during that time, my ex came pleading, begging, crying, anything to keep our family together. After 6 months and talking and trying to work things out,we reconciled. For the first year things were okay but then it was a downward turn and he went back to the old habits he had before. (infidelity, lying, staying out all night, drinking, etc, etc.
I asked him to leave again in December when I noticed that he was spending a lot of time out and he was calling other women and spending hours on his cell phone, (this is not just one woman but at least 5). He left and I started going to DivorceCare and went back to church. I am attempting to put my life back on track, heal and move forward.
On 1-2-04 he came over and said he didn't want to lose his family and wanted to make it work. He said he was willing to do whatever it took to gain our trust and marriage. I told him that I had a few conditions that I wanted honored. I asked him to call all the women, in front of me, and explain the situation. (He had lied, said we were roomates instead of living as husband and wife) I wanted to hear with my own ears that he was terminating their relationships which I think is fair. I also told him that we would have to go to counseling, church and that we could take things slowly. I also let him know, that just because we were going to work on our marriage he couldn't move right back in. I have always put him first in my life and I wasn't going to go through all the pain and hurt all over again. ( I am still in a grieving/anger/bitter mode but am getting stronger everyday). I guess my conditions were too much because he refused to do any of that. He even stated that "this would humiliate my friends"! I guess the humiliation I endured while listening to him have sex with other women is okay.
He came over this morning, at 6 am, on the pretense of seeing our daughter (she had called last night wanting to spend some time with him) and asked where I went this weekend, what I did, who I was with. I explained that I went out with friends, but where I went and who I was with is no longer his business. I didn't say it to be mean, just that I don't think he needs to know, and it had nothing to do with him.
My question is this... when I was leaving to take my daugher to school, my daughter said, I love you, dad and he said I love you too S****. Then he preceeded to walk by my side of the truck and I rolled the window down thinking he wanted to tell me something, and he said, I love you both. I just said, have a good day and left. Why would a man, who is always having affairs, say something like that? When he calls the house, he always asks to talk to me, and then doesn't really say anything important. I sometimes think he is just checking to see if I am at home. He came over Saturday and my girlfriend/co-worker was there (this is one of my friends that he went crying to after the divorce, begging her to talk to me) and she told him, "You are really screwing up R***" . She told him, "you are losing your family, your home and your wife". He then told her, "yeah I miss this house"! He never said, he missed me or the kids.
Why does he continue to play games and say things that will pull my heart strings? Is it because I have other interests and my life doesn't revolve around him again? Is it jealousy? Is it male ego? Is it wanting something that isn't yours any longer?
Just to make it clear, I am not dating, nor planning on dating until at least 2005. That will give me a full year to be in the healing process and I don't want to make the same mistake and hurt more later. I think he is living with a woman because he is not staying where he claims he stays and has been looking for furniture to decorate his new place. But I still wonder why he keeps playing games? Can anyone give me insight to this and give me advice on how to continue moving on without ending on a enemy level? I have really been working hard at keeping things at a friendship level for the kids sake and for ours as well.
Thanks

If you haven't already, you should post this on the Betrayed Spouse Support board.