Why do women keep hanging around?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Why do women keep hanging around?
10
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 10:27pm
is it harder for women to get over a man, after she's been dumped? Why do you hang around the same vicinity? How will you get over the man, if you continue to see him (not work related)When you decide to move on, why not cut off all contact? (phone,pager,email,visual etc...) Isnt that the way its suppose to work?How can u move on, if you visually continue to see the x? Are you hoping to get back with the x?

You women are weird creatures lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 4:59pm
Me, I don't ever look back (even for good sex) unless it's mutually agreed that we can still be friends and that we agree it's cool to meet and hang out in the same places with our other friends. I know my ex-husband is still hung up on me after two years and I haven't given him a second thought except when he makes himself visible so I guess it's like Laurence Olivier, it goes both ways :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 5:10pm
Actually, I think you might have it misconstrued.

If she's hanging around where you are - bt she has business of her own there or people to see there - it's that she is totally ad completely over you that eables her to do without flinching or twitchig (internally, of course).

You're thinking that she's hanging around "because of you"...when in reality she might be hanging around "despite the fact that you're there and she has no positive view of you"...or "she's doesn't really care that you're there".

From your previous post and your description of your behavior.....I think she's knows that you're there, and that you're struggling every second with her presence. In which case...she's just taunting you.

She doesn't care that you want her back, and she doesn't want you back...she just likes to make you sweat with her presence.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 8:54pm
So all of a sudden she becomes extra extra friendly to friends of mine at the gym, that i use to hang out with? She wasnt this friendly with them, when we were together? Now all of a sudden, she is interested in them
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 9:32pm
I think we need more information. Is she coming to your house, or where you hang out and asking you to get back together with you or flirting or playing games?

Or is she still hanging out where she always has and not changing her routine regardless of your presense. Maybe she is so over you that it doesn't matter if you are there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 12:14am
So its that easy for a women to get over a guy that quickly after she got caught cheating?

I never cheated on her. I even showed her my home and cell phone bills for proof, but she refused too. I cooked for her. I gave her 1 hour massage sessions 4-5 days a week. I was the most affectionate guy in her life ever. She trusted me but not at first. She has been cheated on numerous times. I taught her how to rider a sportbike. She scared me a while back, because she talked about kids, buying a house etc..... I talked about it with her, but wasnt totally against it. I told her, when i find the right lady, then yeah

Im the first guy that has my life straight as compared to all the frat boys she's dated. I have 3 cars, my own place, a sportbike. An excellent paying job, i have no baggage, no kids, never married. My head is on straight. I have met all my goals i have set in life. I fine dined this chic. Total gentlemen too her, to later find out she ripped my heart out. Im confident,independent,respectful,funny and an all around awesome guy. Too top it off, im SEXY as hell. She has accused me of being a player based on my status many many many times. She feels i can get any girl i want. I was with her, and only her the whole time. Now, im not mr nice guy. I was there when she needed me, but when she does me wrong, i'll put my foot down, and let her know. She has respected me for that. I know now, she's lost all respect for me, but i dont care, being the reason she cheated on me

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 7:27am
Some people are just fools. Don't be a fool yourself by obsessing about why this woman didn't appreciate you. Maybe she isn't ready for anyone, maybe she's stupid, maybe you're not percieved by others as you might think, or maybe she's just stupid. It doesn't sound like there will be cloture to this ebtrayal unless you just move on and find someone better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 10:00am
Perhaps it would have been inappropriate to show the type of interest she has in them to them openly - when she was with you.

I don't think she wants you back...I think she likes jerking your chain because as long as your world revolves around her and why she does what she does - you stay in a state of insecurity and confusion. I think she's getting her desired result.


Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 10:01am
She was never "into you" as an individual if she cheated on you. From the sound of it she was in it for the fun and enjoyment of playing with your toys.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 3:34pm
Since she was cheating on you she probably wasn't into you enough *to* get over you. Therefore, yeah, she's over you and that quick too. How bout that, she was a user and a cheater and a liar and you got burned and now she's still having fun with it. It's hard but it happens and life goes on. Don't obsess over what she's doing and who she's doing it with - she's doing these things just cause she knows she can get under your skin. Apparantly she likes that for whatever sick unreal reason. It's obvious based on what you've posted she was just in it for the fun of what you offered not because of honest feelings (note the user part in the 2nd sentence). IGNORE HER!!! If she comes around YOUR friends then so be it. Remember they are/were your friends 1st so you most likely and should have higher rank with them. If your at the gym working out with your buddies or at a bar and you happen to see her, shrug it off. If your buddies start talking to her then let them and act like you really don't give a crap. If they say "hey, look, over there is _(her)_!!" say "So" or "Well" and start talking about something else. It's great that your such a great and wonderful catch but your just not for her. Letting her get to you like she is isn't healthy for you and in the end you'll end up looking like an obsessed fool (which your not). Just let it go and try to live with it for a while. If you keep ignoring her and stop letting her under your skin and don't obsess over where she is and what she is doing then eventually she'll loose interest in even trying and you'll be rid of her forever. Try to just accept the fact you were hurt and she is crazy and you're better off without her. Just let it go...

best wishes...sweetnopichick

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 7:42pm
Of course I have no real way of knowing but I can give you a different perspective. When she talked about buying a house, kids, etc., she may have really felt she was putting herself out there. When your response was blase', my interpretation, she may have felt you weren't sincere so felt no compunction of conscience about cheating on you. I'm not saying it's right, but no matter how she may appear on the outside, it may not be how she feels on the inside. She may feel very insecure about herself and gets attention from men to help her self-image. It is all a game until she takes one seriously. It sounds like she took you seriously for awhile, not being overly friendly with your friends before, etc., but now she doesn't. Obviously, you're not ready to propose marriage, but maybe you could put it out there as a possibility. She may feel that she totally negated any possibility because she brought it up first. It's just really hard to tell what's going-on inside another person's head. If this is her problem, you'd probably have to be very reassuring with her and even then it would be rocky. It's hard to say if it would be worth it to you or not. I can say one thing, generally people who have serious problems have them for good reason, in my opinion. Good luck.