Why does this bother me; WHAT can I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Why does this bother me; WHAT can I do?
4
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 6:21pm
Ok here it is:

I become pretty upset and get mad at my boyfriend when we're watching movies that have nudity and/or where the women are portrayed in a sexual manner. I think this goes back to sexual abuse in childhood--as my step father had Playboy magazines and would later--abuse me. I don't tend to feel jealous or upset in other areas--but this one is off the charts.

I know that these feelings arise from MY THOUGHTS and that I act on them and there is no rational reason that my boyfriend has given me to feel afraid. Plus, this is Television--so it's not like I believe that he's going to leave me. Please offer your thoughts and any behavioral ideas you have.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 6:59pm
Have you ever been to therapy to address the abuse?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 12:20am
Have you opened to your boyfriend in terms of what happened to you and how you feel.

Sorry to see that such a dramatic negative event occurred to you. It does affect the relationship. You must share those feelings with your partner as part of your healing process...you were a victim. And you must not allow it to victimize your relationship with the person you love.

We us men, in many cases it is not easy for us to pick up on the signals that something is drastically bothering you.

Best wishes on your Journey

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 11:17am
Due to the fact that you were abused by your stepfather as a child, I can understand why you can become upset at these images. I think that you need to seek professional counseling in an effort to resolve not only this issue, but other issues that you may be experiencing as a result of this abuse.

I don't think that you have worked through the abuse that you experienced as a child and therefore it causes you to overreact at certain times. I believe that if you get professional help you will not be as sensitive to this situation as you are right now.

Good luck...

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-14-2004 - 9:51am

Sexual abuse, (particularly from a parent or step-parent), leaves wounds and scars which can surface in many different ways. As you yourself mention, this reminds you of what happened back at home and your reaction now, which is off the charts, is related to what happened to you as a child, when you were abused at home.


It is a very good idea to handle this experience thoroughly, carefully and lovingly under the care of an experienced therapist who is trained in handling sexual abuse. The feelings that were generated in childhood, very often come cropping up in many different ways later on, especially when the individual is in a relationship, and can cause problems of all kinds. There are also support gorups for those who have been abused, workshops, books to read about it, and so on. You should familiarize yourself fully with what happened and understand how to handle the reactions that arise now and may arise in different ways. By doing this you will not allow this unfortunate experience to play havoc with your life.


Take good care,