Why does he lie about that?!?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2004
Why does he lie about that?!?!
5
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 7:01pm
Ok, me and my boyfriend have been together for 17 mo. so far. Really, everything is great! We have small arguments, nothing big. But he lies to me about small things. Like for instance, his cellphone has been getting cut off here lately. His excuse is cause' he keeps dropping it at work so it signals the computer to cut his phone off. He went as far as telling me that that's what the people at Sprint are telling him. But I know it's cause' he goes over his $125 limit. But he lies about it. Also, he lies about looking at porn on the computer. He says he hasn't looked at it since I told him I didn't like it. But he still looks at it as well as getting through his e-mail. Just like he said he don't like skinny girls but that's what he looks at in the porn. I know that they have big girls in porn but he looks at mostly skinny girls. I'm not skinny so is he telling me that to make me feel better?


Why does he lie about small things? I know I should be glad it's just small things but could he be lying about other things.

Please help me! Thanx!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 10:20am
Maybe your bf is embarrassed to tell you that he went over his $125 limit. That's my guess. Guys have alot of pride. You are right, he could be lying about big things. About the porn, he lies bc he is afraid that you will get upset. Alot of guys (and women) like looking at porn once in awhile. As long as it doesn't replace your sex life, or become excessive, it's okay behavior, in my opinion anyway. My husband looked at it excessively and got help for it, so I have been there.

You mentioned that you don't like it. Why is that? Do you feel that these women he is looking at are sexier than you? I have found that guys will look at porn regardless of how sexy their wife or girlfriends are. It's just a fantasy thing and variety. I used to think it was not being attractive enough, but I consider myself very attractive, it's just variety for men. It doesn't mean he thinks they are better looking than you. He may be looking at them once in awhile, but he has chosen to be with you, which means you are much better to him than they could ever be. Plus, with all the enhancing and alterations they do on pictures, these "beautiful" skinny bodies don't even exist.

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Most of porn are girls that are thinner. Maybe in fantasy world they are appealing to him, but in real life he prefers girls with your body type. Is he saying it to make you feel better? His intent is probably to reassure you. Like I said, he chooses to be with you:)

If you are not happy with your appearance, you should come up with a diet and exercise plan that will fit your lifestyle. I can tell you that a few years ago (I am in my mid twenties) I lost alot of weight, and my self confidence really went up. I stopped feeling threatened when a beautiful woman walked past me and my husband, didn't care if he noticed women, etc. Plus, I liked men notcing me, too. So if you are unhappy, make the changes for yourself. You deserve it:)

I hope this helps:)

Aimee

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 10:51am

if you two were to get married would you want your husband lying to you about the money he spends or the debt he is in? bc once you are married... it becomes YOUR debt too. and who knows... when you move in together... will he make up excuses as to why he cant pay rent, the phone bill or why he hasnt taken out the trash in 5 days? what if you are living together and he doesnt get home until late, will you believe his excuse?


some poeple lie because they feel inferior, or are insecure about how the truth may effect others' opinions or feelings... so to them, its not a big deal to lie about little things.


but when it comes to big things can you depend on him?


im afraid that unless you talk to him about this and get him to open up and speak ALL honest truths, then this relationship is doomed forever and hopefully he will learn from this and stop lying to women.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2004
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 4:49pm
Aimee- Thanks for your imput. I don't like him looking at porn cause' I feel like I should be the only one he looks at in that manner. I know it's normal for men to look at it. Hell- when I was younger I would sneak a tape from my uncle and watch it but I'm much older too. I honestly believe that he is to ashamed to talk about the money. I know he doesn't want to feel like he can't do his job but everybody has it hard and I wished he see that no matter what he could never make me look down on him when times get rough. I have told him that no matter how hard it gets that I won't leave him. I sometimes feel unattractive but I know to him I am beautiful or he's let me know that I'm letting myself go. My boyfriend tells me all the time that if somebody says, " you look good in that " but I feel ugly, than nobody can tell me different. He's a very positive person. I want to lose weight and feel better but I know I can't stay with it. About 6 weeks after I had my daughter, I bought the Billy Blanks Taebo Cardio. I stayed at it for about a week than I stopped. I want to stay on it, but I have no motivation really. What did you do to lose weight? Give me some tips if you can! Thanks again!

Sara- We do live together. Have been for 17n mos. He comes straight home from work. I feel like what ever is his is mine. I feel like we don't have to be married for us to tackle something together. I know he is insecure about somethings. I believe he's afraid to disappoint me and I have had it MUCH harder than now. I can depend on him now. I just don't understand why he's afraid to disappoint me. He has admitted about being use to taking care of things by himself. But I keep making it a point to him that I want to be let in on the details so he said he'd work at it but so far no effort has been made. Thanks for your imput as well!

Keep the advice coming and also, I would appreciate some tips on a diet, losing weight, etc. Thanks again!

Carey

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 5:31pm
You know you have to have trust to have a good relationship... If you know he is lying then its his fault for the distrust if you just feel that hes lying then its on you.. big issues, small issues - are still issues...

I personaly dont think I would stay in that relationship in fact I did leave a guy for the lying about porn... not only that but I had a friend take sexy pics of me, then showed my bf, then dumped him... just to let him know he had what he was looking for but wasnt giving me what I wanted.

To give you some relief, those girls in porn are far from perfect especially in looks in real life not only that but alot of them are men. He has issues with himself not with you. So many men out there dont use porn, let him go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2004
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 6:49pm
Thumbuhlyna- Thanks for your imput but not to be mean towards your opinion but it's going to take more than a little bit of porn to leave him. It'd be a different story if he was all the time looking at it, if he masturbated off of it, if I never got sex from him, or anything else. I appreciate your advice but I am not going to leave him just cause' he's trying to spare my feelings so he has to lie to me.

Sorry if I was too harsh but that's my opinion!

Carey