Why does he put himself before us?
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Why does he put himself before us?
| Wed, 09-05-2007 - 1:40pm |
I don't know what to do. My husband is 36 and has an erection problem. I thought it was from masterbating to much but, now I'm not sure. He had made an appointment to go to the doctor and then canceled because he thinks a golf tournament is more important. He has not called for another app. and I'm just about at my wits end. We've talked about pride and how a man can be embarrased and all that stuff. I've not pushed him one bit yet he still is having some problems and won't go to the doc. So, this is what I did. I told him that we would have no sex until he went and had the papers to prove it. He still hasn't called. This is hurting so bad. It's like he doesn't care. When we did have sex it was really good. now it's just blah. I don't know. Was I wrong to do that? I'm hoping to speed up the process a bit.

Welcome to the board m-to-go,
I suggest calling and making the appointment for him. Then tell him you made the appointment and if he cares about you and the marriage that he will go and get help. If he doesn't go than you will have to figure out what you want to do from there. Sorry you have to go through this.
glitter-graphics.com
hi,
he won't go to the dr b/c of pride. men take their private parts really serious and since his isn't working right, he's embarassed and ashamed about it & the more he's forced to talk about it the more the problem is amplified (in his mind).
you can take the no sex until you see the dr. off the table. explain to him that that was your way of showing you cared about him and you felt you had no choice. tell him that you miss the intimacy btwn the two of you. tell him what an amazing hus he has been and how happy you've been in your marriage and you just want to maintain if not increase those feelings/memories between the two of you. let him know that you love and support him and will stand by him during this ordeal.
much luck,
e.
Many men feel deeply embarrassed about having problems with potency. It is hard to face what is truly going on. This problem can be caused either by emotional or physical reasons. He certainly must face it and do his best to work it out, for both of your sake. Right now he seems to be hiding from all that's going on.
Rather than "push" him, why not sit down with him and let him know that you love and care for him and miss your intimate times together. Approach it in a positive manner, so he won't feel put down, but he will see that you simply want to be close once again.
Best wishes,
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.
Insulting him, withholding sex and punishing him is not going to give you the results you want. He has to get papers to prove he has a problem? Good grief, just how much do you plan on beating him up? Being nasty is not going to give you what you demand, even if you are horny. Then again, he is male and better perform and perform right this minute for you to be happy. Who cares if he has to be berated in the process right!
Perhaps he can do some reading at - http://www.edhelp.ca There is some good information there.
Perhaps you can be more positive, supportive and encouraging too. Doing what you're doing now does not offer him any positive encouragement at all.
And for me saying I am horny..... I was venting and I can take care of myself just fine and for your information.....my little ((Punishing him isn't going to get results?)) worked!!!! It took less than 24 hrs. He loves sex. I don't love it as much as he does.
My God!!!! I've supported him for over 3 months.....he watched a lot of porn.... too much masterbating could be an answer. I've not push that fact on him watching some porn and masterbating. I have told him of my concern. That's it. If it's a lot he knows I don't like it. But a guy is a guy. And I understand that, so you can't come back on me on this one!! He is the one that has called the doc. And it was a female doctor he is going to. So, I pushed a little and got results. You know why? Cause I care enough to want him to get help and he loves me enough to see it and do something about it so we can get back on track. He doesn't have this problem all the time. It's every once in a while. I have been more than a loving wife on this. You don't know him. I do. I know what works. I only let him try to figure it out on his own. Now his wife is going up to bat!!! Hopefully, we'll make it to first base! Then from there we'll try have a home run.