Why does he try to make me jealous?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Why does he try to make me jealous?
6
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 9:56pm
Why does the man who claims he wants to marry me, who I've been going with for about two-and-a-half years, bring-up other women he knows make me jealous? These women have propositioned him, and one in particular always acts like her heart is broken, even though she's married! He says he's not interested, but he keeps some of them around (he owns a business) claiming he's trying to "catch them" for their significant others. What gives? Thanks for your time!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 10:50pm
I am confused.

'but he keeps some of them around (he owns a business)'

Does he employ them?

'claiming he's trying to "catch them" for their significant others.'

So he is trying to set them up with other guys?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 7:07am
I think they are just extremely insecure about their self-worth. They are so insecure they are even willing to hurt their SO in order to feel good about themselves. Have you had a talk with this man about his behavior? I would do so before marriage. Iri
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 10:07am

He may enjoy playing with women heads, (including yours) to give himself a sense of power and importance. It makes him feel good and desirable to have women wanting him, and perhaps even fighting over him. It may also give him a sense of power to make you feel insecure - as if he is doing you a favor by choosing you. Whatever his reason or psychological dynamic, this is not a healthy situation for you. If it makes you jealous and uneasy and he keeps doing it, this is hostile behavior on his part. Become clear within yourself if you want to live with this kind of situation. If you don't, if you feel you deserve better than this, let him know. Set down a boundary. Make yourself clear. Let him know it doesn't work for you and if

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 12:02pm
nobody can "make" you feel anything. this doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship. so the question is not why is HE doing this - the question is why are you putting up with it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 1:30pm
Because he likes their attention and he likes your reaction.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 7:10pm
Thanks for the replies. I'll try to answer your questions. He does employ the women, many of them. I don't think he's trying to set the women up, just trying to bust them for what they're already doing. It especially bothers me because sometimes they've come knocking on his door in the middle-of-the-night. He says he doesn't let them in, but why do they keep trying if that is so?

I do feel a little better about it than I did because even though I've tentatively promised myself to him, I vascillate some. It's not fair to him. I'm not interested in others, but I have significant trust issues. I'm not sure I've ever known a faithful man before and statistically, it's not good, either. So he has that working against him with me. Which you would think would prevent him from wanting to make me jealous, but I guess he thinks it's something I need to work-through. He doesn't really do anything bad that I know of; women just make him look that way sometimes.

In most areas of our relationship he's very loving and supportive. It's just really, really hard to let myself fall for him completely. I admit I love him, but walking-away is what I've done most of my life. Thanks again.