Why does she keep contacting me? I hope to be with her again someday!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2011
Why does she keep contacting me? I hope to be with her again someday!
15
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 8:28pm

We had dated off and on for about a year and then were in a relationship for about a year. While in a relationship, she broke up with me twice over some stupid stuff and stuff her friends said. Whenever I would try talking to her about and try to work it out, she'd tell me "we dont work, you need to move on!" Then about a month later, she'd want to get back together. Its almost like she'd get upset, make a rash decision after talking to someone and then end it without trying to work it out and then want you back. As much as I love her and would like to be with her, she's a very selfish, critical and non supportive person, stuff that I only noticed when we were in a relationship, but not before. I noticed she is like this with her ex bf too. They maintain a friendship, but I can see his frustration with her on many occasions because she was very critical of him.

We got back together at the end of April, knowing she was going to be leaving on August 1st for Texas for grad school. She initiated getting back together also, but I could tell we both missed each other. She had dumped me in February over a little fight and some communication immaturity on my part, but I always felt it was something that could have been worked though and her roommate really wanted me out of the picture for some reason.

She said she was going to stay single until she left, but we were still going to date, but she didn't want her roommate to know because she'd get flack! She always would say her roommate would give her flack for dating me. That kind of hurt because I never did anything wrong to her roommate.
When we got back together, she said "Caitlin(the roommate) doesn't think you're the one for me!" and "When I move to Texas, I'll probably meet my husband and he'll be a chemistry major like me!"

Well, she moved on August 1st and September 4th, her facebook profile said she was in a relationship and low and behold, he's a chemistry grad student just like her! I felt pretty crushed and I'm still deeply hurt. I've talked to everyone I know about this because I'm so bothered, I feel as if I lost her. She texted me to tell me about the new guy when it happened too.

Everyone, including my friend that knows her, tell me that her behavior with the selfishness and criticism will carry over into her next relationship, etc...and being how quick it was, nobody thinks it will last. I automatically assume its her husband and want to move on, but I cant just yet. My heart tells me not to and my brain says to move on. My plan was always when I get to one of the airlines as a pilot next year, that I'd get a route close to her and we could start up where we left off, now I dont think that will happen. Most people tell me she seems like a "*****" and that they wouldnt take her back.

I'm trying to figure out if she got with this guy so fast because it was love at first sight and they have this great connection or she was really lonely and didn't know anyone like she had indicated to me when she first got there and just jumped on board with someone right away. I know her to have had a long period of being single and that guys she dated before me dont last very long. I always assumed they got sick of her antics. Your thoughts? She has tried to initiate contact with me a handful of times as well! Most recently, she tried talking to me on Facebook, but it was more her asking me some questions and telling me that she was taking a break from studying, but that's about it and I recently got rid of my old phone that had Google Talk, which was her way of contacting people. Two days after getting rid of it I get a text message from her with a picture of her cat and it said, "Pumpkin says Howdy from Texas!" Pumpkin is her cat obviously. How the hell do you interrupt this stuff?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Gambler, I have to say that I'm with your friends here:

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Gambler- she sounds like a very immature self absorbed person who has a great deal of growing up to do. If you want that to happen while she treats you like a tether ball that is your choice. The fact is even in marriage fights happen, mistakes are made. There is no backing out over trivial matters. The two of you communicate with each other, talk it out, say your sorry and you try to move on. How will she respond if something major happens.

I think we all have a connection with our first love. I think that is normal. What I see for you is an opportunity to meet other women, date, etc. I have a feeling she likes knowing that are always on the periphery. Always there for her if something doesn't work out. She does just enough to keep you there waiting and wondering because you always have. And truthfully I think that if you met someone you really really liked she would then turn on the after burners and really try to reign you back in. She will not want her security to go to the arms of someone else and actually be happy. She is selfish and wants you only as a second.

That's my take, sorry if it's brutal. You deserve a mature relationship where you both come to the relationship as equals. Goodluck to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2011

Still Standing- I thank you for your reply. A lot of people that I have talked with, concur with you while others don't. It hurt to see her leave but then hurt ever more to hear that she was with someone only a few weeks after moving. I'm assuming its her husband and trying to accept that, but so far I can't close the book on her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Time is a healer. In the meantime. Don't let yourself get too down in the dumps. Her loss can become your gain. You are giving more than you are getting in return and that's not how a healthy relationship should be. Pursue your own goals, keep looking forward. Take care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

Where did "husband" come into the picture?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2011

Some have told me to cut her off completey, while others have said leave the communication door open, seeing that she is so far away, I can't see her on a regular basis. I guess my plan was to always keep the door open and communicate with her one day in hopes that we will find each other again like the other times.

I often wonder if her comments like "when I move to Texas, I'll probably meet my husband and he'll be a chemistry major like me!" and comments her roommate made, were to get a rise out of me or if she really meant them?

I had always hoped that when I got to the airlines as a pilot sometime in the next two years that I would get down there and be with her again. Idk, maybe that was me dreaming!

I just found it so hard to believe that she found someone so fast after only living there for a few weeks. She is not a super attractive women, very average, very plain. I'm just dumbfounded and very hurt and confused.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Maybe she is just the kind of woman who can't stand to be w/o a man for any length of time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

Just because she said that someday she'll meet her husband in Texas and he'll be a chemistry major like her.......doesn't mean whoever this guy is will last more than a month or two, he's certainly NOT her husband.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

>>I just found it so hard to believe that she found someone so fast after only living there for a few weeks. She is not a super attractive women, very average, very plain. <<

Quite frankly, as this is how you describe her attractiveness, I'm not surprised that she's moved on so quickly and easily.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2011

I've read a few posts where people who were together, went off to school and rekindled everything a few years later, so I know it does happen. I'd like to not hold out hope, but I can't stop myself from doing that. Maybe after a year I'll be able to, idk.

A lot of people say that she said things to get a rise out of me. Like when she told me she started dating someone, she texted me about it. Why tell me about it knowing that I'm going to be hurt? If I would have started dating someone right after she left, I wouldn't have told her about it, in fear that she might feel hurt.

Other things that were said to me while we were together were, "When I move to TExas, I'll probably meet my husband and he'll be a chemistry major like me!" Other things were statements her roommate who knows everything said, like ,"Caitlin doesn't think you're the one for me!" "Caitlin thinks you're stupid!" etc

I mean why say stuff like that to me?

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