Why Doesn't He Want Me!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Why Doesn't He Want Me!!
2
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 2:14pm
My Boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and have been living together for the past 8 months. When our relationship started we were pretty hot n heavy but as time went on our sex life went down. I know that he loves me and he likes to cuddle and spend time together, but when I lean in to kiss him or try to start something, he pushes me away, gives excuses and acts very annoyed at what I am doing. I would like him to give me more attention and be more intimate with me. I've tried talking to him about this but he doesnt understand. I know he's not cheating on me, but sometimes I dont know what else it could be. What can I do? HELP!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 3:29pm
I know exactly how you feel.

Same thing happened to me after we started living together.

I was initiating all the intimacy and he was not. And at time he too would push me away or tell me he was tired or didn't feel good. But then I find all these porno sites he has been looking at on the computer and makes me wonder if I wasn't good enough. I was always telling him I was willing to try new things but he just stopped touching me. Now he is gone and I am glad but I do miss the intimacy because it was nice. If you get any clean cut answers I would love to know cause I talked to him and he always told me it wasn't me yet he was never making any moves either.

Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 5:07pm
Intimacy/bedroom problems usually indicate a problem in the relationship. Talk to him again, take him for a walk, away from the house - I really like living with you. I have been wondering how to not feel rejected when my advances are brushed aside. Any ideas? Let him talk, he may or may not. If he does, he may blame you or make excuses. Don't defend yourself.

For the excuses - be direct - 'I hear that you are tired, overworked, (or whatever) and I understand it could contribute to the problem, however I think they are an excuse because as I see it sex is a stress reducer, helps us feel closer and can be a good distraction from some of the daily distractions and things weighing on one's mind. So my next question is, if no sex = problems in our relationship and I still want sex with you and find you attractive, etc, what would you say the problem is since my advances are brushed off? Or are my advances not direct enough and you aren't sure that I want sex?

My bf use to tell me I wasn't direct enough in my advances. Also, Mars and Venus in the Bedroom describes different ways women and men initiate and different ways they see the signals their partner is sending.

Other reading material:

Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw

A Couple's Guide to Communication, John Mordechai Gottman

His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr

Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix

My best to you.

PS In addition, for men, stress, job satisfaction (lack thereof) and/or depression play a role in lowering their libido.


Edited 5/18/2004 5:11 pm ET ET by itwinflame


Carrie