why don't i feel anything?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
why don't i feel anything?
6
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 12:07am
My boyfriend is compatible with me. we like the same things, have similar personality. at first i was in love. but now i feel no feelings nor feel like getting physical. what's wrong with me?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 5:03am
nothing is "wrong" with you. sometimes a guy looks right "on paper" - but the chemistry is just not there. move on....
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 8:31am
What did you think of the replies you received the other times you posted this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 12:31pm
Are you sure you were ever in love? Love is a very strong emotion, and it sounds to me like you were in strong like with him, but not love. I think that if two people are truely in love, it won't just vanish into thin air. Sounds to me that you like the idea of being in love, which means you are a true romantic. As a true romantic, you are capable of falling so hard for someone that there is no turning back. Maybe you should explore that option and learn from the experience with your current man.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 1:19pm
I didn't read the answers to your other message(s), so perhaps this is redundant. However, I can't help wondering why you suddenly seem to feel "out of love" with a guy you like and feel compatible with. Have you ever thought that perhaps you're addicted to the adrenaline rush of an unpredictable relationship? If you come from a troubled family, chaos is the norm, in fact, it's like a siren's call. It strokes the heart strings but because it's dysfunctional, ultimately leaves one dissatisfied, again.

If I were you, I wouldn't give-up on a guy just because you're evidently feeling ambivalent at the moment. Those feelings can stem from many different sources, not having to do with him. Maybe you're afraid of intimacy. True intimacy isn't just physical, it's an exchange of dreams and desires, a willingness to commit.

It may benefit you to get some counseling. You may find there are things left unresolved that make it difficult for you to want to get close to another person. Whatever you decide, however, if you even just LIKE this guy, I wouldn't give-up on him. Good people are hard to find. Best of luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 3:58pm
I just read your profile and I am copying this:

'right now i hate myself and always blame myself for anything bad. I don't have many close friends despite trying really hard to be a good friend, so i just feel like i'm a horrible person that no one likes.'

You can't love anyone if you hate yourself. Have you been in counseling?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 6:00pm
I just read your other post, that it's been about five years you've been in the relationship, it sounds like. He may have had some financial problems in the past, based on the responses. I suspect that your relationship is in transition. It's been five years and perhaps you've smoothed out some of the bumps. You may be wondering what else is there.

I suppose every relationship reaches this point at some time or another if it lasts long enough. I think a lot depends on you, and him, at this point. Do you renew your commitment and look deeper into the meaning of your relationship? Or do you pass over it in search of quick, superficial thrills? A lot of times people don't see any value in something they see every day. They take it for granted, become complacent. However, their blessings are just as fresh and new as if they were happening the first day. It's just that people's perceptions change.

I think it just takes a deeper commitment, a willingness to search for the hidden treasures, if you will. Sex, in particular, doesn't always have to be an earth shattering experience every time. In it's maturity, it's more of an exchanging of the souls, a sharing of mutual vulnerabilities. People may get sick of themselves, but they don't give-up on themselves. They try to make themselves look, feel, etc., better or something. I think one's attitude towards their significant other should be the same.

I may not be a super model, which I'm not, and neither might not be my SO. However, the point is, he's mine, and I'm his. I'm happy with what he is and yet I still encourage him to grow. That's the point one needs to reach with themselves, also, before they can really be comfortable in a relationship that isn't based in insecurity. If people would give-up on this idea that happiness is centered solely around what self wants, they might find that basing one's happiness around helping their loves one's happiness is twice as much fun! It multiplies exponentially if you include assisting the happiness of others besides, within proper boundaries of course. Best wishes.