Why is my recent ex doing this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2011
Why is my recent ex doing this?
5
Tue, 12-13-2011 - 7:22pm
I am still in love with him, but trying to be strong nd move on. We have been broken up for 2 months where the majority of that I spent trying to get him back, begging, pleading with no luck. Now all of a sudden he finds out I am going out and enjoying life and is getting jealous, calling me up and confronting me and getting upset. We both agree we had an amazing thing- but right now we need space. He acts as if he doesn't care the majority of the time but as soon as I start to not care he acts like he cares again. I would like to get back with him someday, but not right now. How can I play this right to ensure I don't damage any future hope? What is the best way to make him come crawling back to me? Thanks for your help
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 12-13-2011 - 7:50pm

Apparently you are NOT moving on, because your question here is how to maintain a holding pattern so you can resume the relationship at a more propitious time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 12-13-2011 - 10:38pm

Well he's already claiming that he wants you back (if not crawling) so if you want him back, take him back now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 12:26am

Who broke up with who, and why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 12-14-2011 - 9:03am

HIs ego is damaged. Whether or not he wants to be in a relationship anymore is irrelevant... It hurts to be moved on from. He is reacting out of hurt. If he genuinely wanted you back, he wouldn't have left.

You're asking how to manipulate him. I can't in good conscience tell you how to do that, and for your own good, because if he has broken up with you now, manipulating him into "crawling back" will ENSURE that he breaks up with you again in the future. Do you really want to go through this breakup again?

Two people can have space without breaking up, and if you really loved one another, you would have found a way to make the relationship work without feeling smothered. I don't think manipulation tactics are going to make you feel better about what's going on. Enjoying life is the only productive thing you can do right now - Think in terms of "me" not "him" or "us". Living life for yourself is the only path that will make you happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2006
Sat, 12-17-2011 - 1:09pm
My ex considers every single woman he's ever dated "his" and he gets jealous if any of us (and there are several) date anyone...even YEARS later! It has nothing to do with him being "in love" with any of us. He just would like to think that he's so gosh darn fantastic that each of us will die pining away over him. That would make him feel like the big stud because he is sorely lacking in self-esteem.

I'm guessing both of you are reacting the same way. You probably don't want him to date because you want him to want you, and vice versa. Of course, this is not an indicator of undying love but rather it is an unhealthy attachment. Either approach the relationship like mature adults or let it go. Unless a drama relationship appeals to you, then carry on like you are but realize that a drama relationship involves feeling crappy half the time.