Why the need for private email account?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2008
Why the need for private email account?
13
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 11:42pm

I posted my story

...Not Sure I could Ever Trust Again...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2008
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 11:31pm

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I, too, think it would be safe to assume he's looking for sex if he's giving his phone number out to these women.

There are already past instances for which you cannot forgive him. And I'm not even sure how you could ever begin to forgive him for this, seeing how he hasn't even admitted what he was really doing. I think, first and foremost, you need to decide whether you could forgive him even if he fessed up. It sounds to me as though the trust was gone before this happened.

I can't say I know what I would do if I were in your position, being married for twenty years. Might you be able to separate for a while? It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. I don't see any problem in you not attending the wedding after all of this. It's up to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2008
Mon, 09-01-2008 - 10:53pm

Thank you to everyone. I am still in a numb state so nothing other than trying to talk, me being highly emotional and me setting up an appt w/our counselor (privately and w/him) has been accomplished.
This weekend was highly emotional, my mom is deteriorating and we had over 70 guests at her house to see her - so based on whats going on, my time spent cooking, cleaning, setting up, shopping and playing hostess I was just on high anxiety. He accepted an invitation to a picnic at the home of an acquaintence for the evening Sat. AFTER being at a sporting event w/our son all day. Again it was just my sister and I doing all the setting up and shopping, etc so I wanted him to not attend the picnic and did ask him. Then I said if he did go, I wanted to go as well. Another guest there was to be a woman he has befriended from our camping group and I just needed to see how they interact. Call it paranoia or call it gut.
Well, it felt like he stopped by my mom's and quickly began to leave so as I couldn't go w/him. He said he'd be back quickly to help us out. After what felt like an eternity but was probably more like thirty or 40 mins I called his cell. I felt my anxiety rising rapidly and had kept telling myself NOT to call that I was making it worse. I called began to cry and he hung up on me. (he said he lost connection) After trying to get back into the swing of working and having trouble focusing, etc, I called again to find my call(s) were going to voice mail. This did NOT help my anxiety. So I call the house phone, the person who answered handed the phone to him and said "its your wife" (a kid) and click....the phone goes dead.

Ladies, I lost it. I went into panic mode as I had done 10 yrs earlier when we went through this before and I got into the car and high tailed it to the picnic. I was so rippin mad, sad, angry, crying....just not myself. As I flew down the road I could see my son hanging out in the front w/his friends and my H getting into his car. He was returning...but I was past 'gone' and gave him a look and very quietly told him I hated his F*(utoh) guts and to stay at the party since he obviously did not want me there. And I left. He returned to help at my mom's and stood very calm even through my whispered nastyness. I tried so hard to keep my feelings quiet from my mom and my sis but I know I wore it on my face and in my actions. I really hate the way I was. I really had a hard time focusing yesterday as well - all while trying to smile and be the good hostess and remind myself yesterday was/should have been all about my mom.
I will take some time to get myself in check. But I am just devastated beyond belief. Thank you all for letting me vent it all out. Best of luck to all of you and may blue skies come your ways. In the meantime I will read the posts and answers (return to lurker status) and hope to learn how to handle my mess.

...Not Sure I could Ever Trust Again...
...Not Sure I could Ever Trust Again...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 12:35pm
When is your appt with the counselor alone?

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