Why is this so confusing?
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Why is this so confusing?
| Mon, 08-25-2008 - 8:00pm |
My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 happy months. He is applying to medical school, and will most likely be going in a different country because he does not think he has a good chance of getting into school's in this country. I think he is wrong about this however, and I think he would have a good chance of getting into some schools in this country, but he applied right before the deadline for those schools which will greatly lower his chances of being accepted. It seems very likely that he will go to med school in a foreign country, even though nothing is for sure until he hears back from the schools. He could be leaving in as little as 3 months, or not for another year, depending on where he gets in. We have a great relationship, and I have been feeling depressed, afraid, and angry lately, at the thought of it ending. He says he wants to stay together and try long distance, even though we both know it would be hard. On top of this, he has been extremely stressed out about taking his MCAT exam, which he is taking soon, and while I am trying to be supportive and patient with him, his stress is definitely putting a strain on our relationship. He used to be very calm and relaxed, easy going and fun to be around, now he is very uptight and high strung. I know I just have to be patient with him until his test is over. On top of this, his studying medicine until he become a doctor would take a total of seven years living in different places to do the internship and whatever else there is, and he is letting the idea of becoming a doctor completely consume his life and I'm not sure if he would have room for me on his priority list. Right now I am struggling with the fact that it may have to end since he is probably moving. We both want to try long distance but in my heart I know it will be very tough. He says he knows it will hit him when he finds out that he is actually leaving, but as of now he seems to bury himself in his studying which seems to turn off his emotions. Last night we had a big talk about what might happen with our relationship and I couldn't stop crying, and then he cried for a minute too, which made him very uncomfortable, and now he says he doesn't want to talk about it until his exam is over so he can have a clear mind to take his exam. I can respect that, but it is killing me inside. Are long distance relationships even possible between people living in two different countries? Also, are people in the medical profession always so busy that they don't have time for a personal life? I feel like I could be heartbroken even though he hasn't moved away yet, but I cannot stop thinking about it and cannot stop crying. Any advice would be much appreciated.

If you are finding it very difficult now because he is not his usual self and not able to give you much attention during this stressful period, you are not cut out to be with him long term.
Even if he found a med school in the states, the next 7 years will be filled with exams, long hours of class and study,
Okay, that does make things a bit different, but you really need take a step back and think things through. I'm sure he's aware that getting a med degree in a foreign country will not make him automatically able to work as a doctor in this country. He might have to get a med degree here as well if he wants to work as a doctor in the U.S. If he's not aware of this, he needs to do his homework before he makes any decisions.
So, that said, you're right - making this work LD will be difficult if not impossible. If he's determined to study, live and work in a foreign country, are you prepared to move with him? Has he asked you to? Perhaps you're putting the cart before the horse and need to just wait until his exam is over and then talk to him calmly about his future plans - where - when - how long he intends to be out of U.S - and go from there. Crying about this will not help anything. It will not endear you to him. He will need
This is a tough one. A long distance relationship CAN work, but only if you are VERY understanding, especially with him being in the medical field. I carried on a LDR for a while, cross-country, which might as well have been half-way across the world, because I'm afraid to fly and my boyfriend was broke. It was extremely tough during the 'adjustment period,' and I trusted him completely. It was just because if I would call and he wouldn't answer, I'd think, "What if he doesn't call back for days? What if he never calls back?" I don't know why I thought that, but it created a feeling of utter helplessness on my end, which created a whole host of problems.
You give up complete control when you do long-distance. You don't have the comfort of knowing if you get into an argument, you can drive up the street and sort it out face to face. It's really, really hard. But after a while, it gets easier and not harder (at least in my case). However, I would advise you to not even make an attempt if the two of you don't have complete trust in each other. I'm not trying to scare you, but if he wanted to cheat on you in another country, you'd never know about it. And vice versa. I'm not being rude, I'm just telling you to weigh the pros and cons. But 100% trust helps things a millionfold. Good luck!
Hi strongtiger,
Since your post as gotten a lot of support, I just wanted to welcome you to the board.