Why won't he commit

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Why won't he commit
5
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 12:08pm

I will give you a little background before I ask my question. My boyfriend (we will call him Jon) and I have been together since May of 2006. We have been living together since about 2 months after that. Our relationship moved along very quickly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 12:22pm

Welcome to the board goddess_heffalump,


It seems like the two of you have different goals in life. You want to get married and he doesn't. Would you be happy in the relationship if you never got married? It doesn't sound like it. If not, than this isn't the right relationship for you.


It also sounds like you tend to go for guys that need help or need fixing. Like you think by helping them out in their time of need that they will in turn love you and want to marry you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 12:27pm

"Jon and I have talked about marriage a little. I want to get married but he does not."

That clinches it right there. It doesn't matter why he doesn't want to get married, the fact is that the person he is is someone who is not compatible with you. If you stay with him you're not going to get a marriage. If by some miracle of God you are able to pressure him into marriage, it won't be in the context of him WANTING to marry you, he will resent you, and you will break up.

Any more time invested in this relationship is time wasted. You cannot make a man want to get married; you can only find a man who shares the same goals as you.

I'm really sorry because I know how it feels to be stuck in a relationship that won't go any further. All I can say is that the right man is out there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 12:51pm

Welcome to the board goddess_heffalump,


He's got the life doesn't he?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 2:43pm
I don't think you should have supported him. If he wants to go to school and go to the gym, then he needs to fit that into his life as well as a job. If it means you get to see him less, then so be it. To give you an example, my BF works 60 hours a week-because of child support obligations. He could work 40 and be on a tight budget and not have hardly any money for extras(which I told him was fine with me) but he chooses to work 60 so he can be comfortable financially. I work 24 hours a week and have been for several years before we met. He makes more than me overall, but hour for hour I make more than him by about 25%. I could work 36hours a week and he could work 40 hours a week and it would come out to the same thing as him working 60 and me working 24 but that is not an option. I believe a man has to pull his own weight as well as take care of his significant other, etc. He may like it in the short term that you're making it possible for him not to work, but long term, if he's like most men, he doesn't feel good about himself living off a woman, allowing a woman to take care of him financially like that. THat may be why he doesn't want to fully commit to you. Both me and my BF are divorced plus our parents had absolutely miserable marriages, but that has not stopped either of us from wanting to
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2007
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 3:16pm

Why do you think so little of yourself?? You sound like a great person, and yet you think that the only way a man will want to be with you is if you support them financially or emotionally or whatever else they need. I think you really need to work on your self esteem, and possibly go to some counseling sessions to help you better understand why you feel this way about yourself.


You're a grown woman and mother, I'm sure you have enough life experience to understand that you