Why won't he propose?!
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| Fri, 03-30-2007 - 7:20pm |
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years. We went to college together, then moved 700 miles from home and bought a house together. We've been living together for almost 2 years and throughout our relationship have talked about getting engaged. Last July he told me it was coming "soon, relatively". Well, almost a year later, we've had the talk again and I"m just frustrated. He keeps saying he doesn't understand what it'll change and why it means so much that it should happen. I've repeatedly told him it's for security, legal issues, and to know that he is committed. I even told him that I would sublet for the summer if he needs time to think it over. I'm not sure what else I can do and I'm wondering if I'm going to be able to salvage the relationship or if I should just bite the bullet and go.

IMO, once a man realizes his woman desires to be married, he must take pause for thought and either propose or set her free...so for your long-time beau to have assured you a year ago he was planning to propose, and now that you've felt inclinded to bring up the subject AGAIN, he finally mentions he wonders "why to marry?"...IMO that is unfair and unkind of him....i don't look well on men who lead women on, especially men who could be wasting precious time of a young woman of childbearing years...its one thing if you agree to consider marriage unnecessary ~ but being as you've made it clear you'd like that, and he replied he was planning to get engaged, for him suddenly, only at YOUR contined prompting, explained hes unsure or not *into* marriage, or whatever, thats just not right and you deserve a more thought-out conclusion from him.
i like your idea to consider subletting this summer...i very much agree marriage is a legalality most seriously involved couples should realize is in their best interest... besides the romantic aspect too...and of course if you desire children as well.
good luck!
honey
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I think you need to feel secure and that he is committed WITHOUT a ring on your finger. Also, realize that a ring on your finger doesn't really mean anything other than legally you are his wife and the legal matters regarding property and possible future children. These days being married is very much a formality because it is so easy to get a divorce if things dont work out. I am assuming that you are in your early to mid 20s, which is still very young. That being said, if it is very important to you that you two be married and he doesn't make a move, then you may have to reconsider the relationship. Also consider that he may feel pressured and you don't want him to marry you just because you are pressuring him. Give yourself a deadline with him and if it doesnt happen, then you need to reconsider your options. best of luck.
Welcome to the board mellowmushroom,
With or without marriage do you feel you are where you are supposed to be?
I'm in the same boat as you...and it's hard...but one thing you have to remember is you have to be happy as you. If he won't marry you then tell him you will go. I know once your gone he'll be back. It's sad but it's the games they play.
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 yrs. living together for 2 and looking at buying a house. Well I said no cuz were not married and he says he doesn't want to get married or at least not for awhile---were 27 so it's time.
I'm not sure what to do either...I'm sticking around for awile but then moving on while I'm still young enought to. I think after 5 yrs he should be ready and if he's not ask him what his fears are? The decide if you move on
So my ex and I dated for 3 years lived together for 2. We have been broken up for 1.5 years. It was a mutual brk up. I moved 2 hours away about a year ago and often go back home and visit. We did keep in touch for the first year then