Why Won't He Try Harder!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
Why Won't He Try Harder!
2
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 10:41am
I've been with my boyfriend for about two years. We've been living together for the past 10 months. I love him more than anything and I know he feels the same way about me. Before we moved in together we would talk about marriage and how we wanted to and we talked about it when we moved in. But now he doesnt seem to really care about proposing. I know part of the reason is because of money. He doesnt make much where he's working and I pay most of the bills with my job which is something we fight about. He wants to quit his job and find something else but has no motivation to do so and try and better the situation we are in. I've tried talking to him, but nothing gets through. To me it seems like he doesnt care enough about me and our future. What should I do? Please Help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 1:30pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 5:53pm
I am no doubt much older than you and have been through several long term relationships, some live in and some marriage. I can tell you this from experience -- there is probably nothing you can do or say to make him more motivated, make him feel differently about anything (money, jobs, marriage, you, the relationship, etc). He is the person you see every day. He is not motivated to achieve the things in life that you're motivated to achieve because they are not his priorities or his goals -- they are yours. Some people sit and talk all their lives about things that they never actually do or achieve. He may have said all the things you want to hear but now you have had enough time to see that you and he are actually not on the same page when it comes down to living it. You cannot make a non-motivated person motivated. You cannot make someone change their thoughts, feelings, goals and priorities to match your own. The trick in life is to not settle on a relationship until you find someone whose feelings, actions, thoughts, goals and priorities in a relationship (and in life, in general) really DO match yours...on their own, because that's who they are and what they're about already, before meeting you. When you do find that, you'll be happy and content without any struggling, because you'll be compatible. Good luck.