Why would he say that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Why would he say that?
3
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 1:29pm
Right now I am really confused about how my boyfriend is feeling in our relationship. We got into an argument about him doing favors for my friends and I don't think it is worht it for him because he is never going to get anything in return. Plus he didn't like her that much when we first started going out. We got into it pretty bad and he was talking about leaving me and starting a new life. he said that he is sick of fighting and I am too. But he is so stubborn about talking with me. He also said that he only cares about getting a new job and he doesn't care about me. He has been saying I love you for about 5 months and now he says he doesn't love me.I actually thought that he was going to break up with me so i started to cry and then he came up to me and said he didn't mean anything he said. I don't want him to say i love you if he doesn't mean it. Why would he say this to me if he didn't mean it? What does it all mean? Please help. Thank you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 2:13pm
People say all kinds of thing in the moment - they may mean it in the moment, change their mind or just say it to ease pain....

You'd have to ask him. Sorry for your pain.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 2:35pm
Yeap, in the heat of the moment, people say things that they would never dream of saying otherwise. I have the same ongoing issue with my df. He threatens to leave - after he calls me everyname in the book. You might want to read my post.

The thing is, you have to let him know what is acceptable in this relationship. You have to set the standards (Im sooooo good at giving advice....working on taking it, LOL) Basically, if you let someone do something or treat you a certain way, regardless of how this hurts you, they assume its acceptable behavior and that sets the standard for every fight.

Of course he could just be a giant butt-head ....LOL. Thats what I think is part of my df problem. Hes an ass when he is mad and says the nastiest things to me. I have made if very clear that it is not acceptable to me anymore. It will take some adjustments on his part, but I wont be threatened or degraded by name calling.

By telling you that he doesnt REALLY love you , he is being hurtful. Hes mad, looking for some sort of reaction from you, and boom, he gets it......your crying and sniffling that you dont want him to leave, yell or whatever and he get confirmation that YOU DO LOVE HIM, you do care... hes acting like a brat - an immature brat. BUT its workable. You just have to realize where this is coming from and decide how your going to handle it - next time, because im sure the next big fight, he will go down the same path. Mine packs and tells me hes gone... almost everytime we have fought in the last year and a half. I told him its no longer ACCEPTABLE TO ME. So - we will see.

Sorry, I do ramble so. I just thought you might appreciate some insight from someone on the same boat.....

PlayNICE

 

I am co cl for "Ask Dr. Ruth" board. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 4:42pm
'he doesn't care about me. He has been saying I love you for about 5 months and now he says he doesn't love me.'

I don't know. Those are pretty strong words to say even in the heat of the moment especially if they aren't true. I think you need to find out if he means them when you aren't fighting. Have a calm, rational discussion about his goals for the relationship and his feelings for you.

If you fight a lot and he says things like this when you fight-is that how you want your relationship to be?