Wife without a wedding ring

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Wife without a wedding ring
10
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 7:31pm
I have been married for 5 years, and have never had an engagement ring. At the time of my engagement, my fiance didn't have much savings and I didn't see a reason for why he should go into debt for a ring, so I claimed that I didn't want one. Since then, my husband has developed an opinion that diamond rings are stupid, a rip-off, and will say so to anyone considering buying one.



Over the years, I have become resentful of him and jealous of women who have a beautiful ring. My husband and I are very successul professionally, however I do not feel comfortable asking him for a diamond ring, even though he can afford it now. Whenever a friend of lesser means receives a ring of any kind, I turn green with envy. I feel sad that I don't have a ring and question my husband's commitment for he has never given me anything of value since we met.



When thinking logically, I question women's obsession with diamonds and think less of women who demand one, or measure a man according to his ability to afford one. On the other hand, I lust after one too, yet I don't feel that I can ask my husband for a diamond given his feelings on the subject.



This issue has tormented me for years. Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 7:40pm
It would be a nice anniversary gift IMO.

Why not buy yourself one?


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 7:51pm
Actually, I have often thought of buying a ring for myself. I feel independent enough to buy a diamond, however after analysing my situation I realized that it would not make me feel any better.

I think my problem lies in trying to understand why my husband won't give me a ring. I find that hurtful. If I bought a ring for myself I would still wish I had one from him.

Also, knowing my husband, he would take all the credit for the ring I bought. I have bought expensive jewelry for myself in the past, and in front of friends and family he implies that he gave it to me.

Now, as liberated as I am, I ask myself, "why should I spend money on a ring only so he could take the credit for it"? Besides, no matter which one of us makes the purchase, people would always assume that the ring came from him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 7:43am
Should he read your mind? After telling (lying to) him about NOT wanting one, and keeping it pent up inside you for years, do you think he should just guess? You know his opinion on diamond rings - so why would you think that he's going to buy you one. I'd say the only way that you are going to get a rock on your finger is if you come straight out and ask him, or if you buy the ring yourself.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 8:24am
Personally, I think hes just to cheap, he dont wanna spend his money!
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 11:18am

At the time of your engagement, you told your husband that it didn't matter to you whether or not you had the diamond ring. Have you let him know how you feel now? Things have changed. Time has passed. He can well afford to give you one now. Clearly, receiving a diamond ring has meaning to you. To you it means he values and cares for you. This is the meaning it has for many women. You want an outward symbol of this, and there is nothing inherently wrong with that. Let him know how you feel. You have a right to your feelings. Just because he may not feel that way, still he needs to be cognizant and respectful of the way you feel. Talk it out calmly together. Let him know that this is a source of hurt and lack for you. You live in a society which has assigned various meanings to different symbols. Clearly, this is a symbol that has importance for you. There is nothing wrong with that. It only becomes a problem when we focus merely on the external symbol and do not focus upon the inner nature of the relationship, and the esteem, love and honor he holds you in on a daily basis, and the ways he finds to express it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2004
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 12:18pm
What's the problem here, did you get married too young and your husband is now regreting it? It's so bizarre to me.I am 24 and have been married before, and even I had a beautiful ring.I don't mean to make you upset in any way but this is ridiculous. Really. Now, maybe your husband is from really bad manners but can't he consider your feelings about this? Has he ever discussed the issue? Have you? Sometimes all you have to do is ask. A union, atleast in my opinion is supposed to be loving, enjoyable, giving.You say he has not given you anything of value, is this his way of jabbing at you for any reason, and why so insensitive about the issue to anyone who plans on spending money on something so meaninful and special, if not that then what is his problem? I would resort to a specialist this doesn't sound to me as just a ring issue, you might want to rethink another five ringless years to come.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 11:10am
I'm sorry to say this but that sounds so tactless, tacky and tasteless. Especially a man that pretty much presumes that because you said it was needless, he wouldn't go so far to surprise you or buy one for you as a gift out of thoughtfulness.

An engagement ring is a statement and a tradition and any man that doesn't "buy" into that tradition is not worthy recipient of the woman's hand he wants to marry. That is just my opinion, as brutal as it may be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 11:24am
Why do people believe this so often?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 11:27am
'Especially a man that pretty much presumes that because you said it was needless, he wouldn't go so far to surprise you or buy one for you as a gift out of thoughtfulness.'

Huh? He took her at her word and he is the bad guy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 12:14pm
Have you told him that you want one? If you haven't, maybe you should and see what he says. He's still assuming that you don't because that's what you said back then. Tell him you want one now and go from there. And all of you that responded with mean comments should get a grip. Every time I read your comments to women with problems, you're all ready to blame the girl. Maybe you are the ones without men because you let them walk all over you and always assume that they're right and your wrong. Not putting your foot down allows a man to walk all over you. And men like challenges - not door mats.