Wife without a wedding ring
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| Mon, 03-08-2004 - 7:31pm |
Over the years, I have become resentful of him and jealous of women who have a beautiful ring. My husband and I are very successul professionally, however I do not feel comfortable asking him for a diamond ring, even though he can afford it now. Whenever a friend of lesser means receives a ring of any kind, I turn green with envy. I feel sad that I don't have a ring and question my husband's commitment for he has never given me anything of value since we met.
When thinking logically, I question women's obsession with diamonds and think less of women who demand one, or measure a man according to his ability to afford one. On the other hand, I lust after one too, yet I don't feel that I can ask my husband for a diamond given his feelings on the subject.
This issue has tormented me for years. Help!

Why not buy yourself one?
Carrie
I think my problem lies in trying to understand why my husband won't give me a ring. I find that hurtful. If I bought a ring for myself I would still wish I had one from him.
Also, knowing my husband, he would take all the credit for the ring I bought. I have bought expensive jewelry for myself in the past, and in front of friends and family he implies that he gave it to me.
Now, as liberated as I am, I ask myself, "why should I spend money on a ring only so he could take the credit for it"? Besides, no matter which one of us makes the purchase, people would always assume that the ring came from him.
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At the time of your engagement, you told your husband that it didn't matter to you whether or not you had the diamond ring. Have you let him know how you feel now? Things have changed. Time has passed. He can well afford to give you one now. Clearly, receiving a diamond ring has meaning to you. To you it means he values and cares for you. This is the meaning it has for many women. You want an outward symbol of this, and there is nothing inherently wrong with that. Let him know how you feel. You have a right to your feelings. Just because he may not feel that way, still he needs to be cognizant and respectful of the way you feel. Talk it out calmly together. Let him know that this is a source of hurt and lack for you. You live in a society which has assigned various meanings to different symbols. Clearly, this is a symbol that has importance for you. There is nothing wrong with that. It only becomes a problem when we focus merely on the external symbol and do not focus upon the inner nature of the relationship, and the esteem, love and honor he holds you in on a daily basis, and the ways he finds to express it.
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An engagement ring is a statement and a tradition and any man that doesn't "buy" into that tradition is not worthy recipient of the woman's hand he wants to marry. That is just my opinion, as brutal as it may be.
James
janderson_ny@yahoo.com
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Huh? He took her at her word and he is the bad guy?