wifes slutty past

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
wifes slutty past
41
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 8:49am
My wife and i have been married 5+ yrs--she is 26 and I am 52 we have a great 4 yr old. I have learned just recently that her past sex life was a very slutty one--40 guys hundreds of times in bed with guys -in a short 3+ yrs. Then to make it worse-our sex life is bad--she handly ever cums for me--only if I do oral on her..she says she is just tired of having sex--but I'm not--even at my age I would like it more than she does-alot more--the only thing she likes doing is hand jobs and oral on me.and lately she is into wanting me to take pictures of her performing oral on me.I can't just forget her past-I know some of her past sex partners-they are scum. So any good advise out there for me? I feel I should just give up and divorce her---she lied about her past-she told me 8 guys-but truth is more like 40-she said she hardly ever came--another lie-she said hardly ever had sex--more lies--even 4 one night stands---what should I do? How should I feel about the lies and sex addiction she had and doesn't have now?
Shocked and confused

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 9:17am
At your age, you should be well aware of not being able to change the past. At your age, this really shouldn't be a problem for you.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 9:36am
but the lies!!! all those guys!!!!!! all that sex with other guys!!!!! but yet i get very little sex--and it isn't very good sex either? I want good old fashion sex --man woman holding touching feeling each other --having orgasms together---not in a towel!! and now pictures of her giving me oral--what do you say about that??
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2006
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 9:45am

Let's see, you've been married for 5+ years, and she's 26 now.. this means she was 21 when you were married? How long did you two date before getting married?

If I had to guess, her past is a 3 year span, this means that her past occurred when she was in her teens. This to me doesn't scream, "slut", it means troubled teen. Perhaps her past is the reason why she has confusion about sex now.

Furthermore, she hasn't had any time to come into her own as woman before getting married and having a baby. For some women, it takes from 21 - 30 to really know what we want from relationships and how to communicate our needs properly.... and even then, it's still a learning process. Have you considered counseling? Both for herself and for the two of you?

As for the lying, she may have been embarrassed.. or feared judgement from you (and justifyable so). I can understand that you're shocked- but I would try counseling before divorce.

-c-

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 12:41pm
I failed to tell everyone about her 5 or so dreams of our 15 yr old MALE babysitter and the great sex they had--she lusts and flirts with guys to the extreme to make herself orgasm in her pants----still think I have to be more understanding??
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 1:15pm

Welcome to the board john85022,


Sorry you have to go through this. I imagine finding out about your wife's past has been a shock.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2006
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 1:18pm

I still think she needs counseling...

Also, if you want to *save* this relationship, then you both should get counseling.

-c-

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2006
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 5:12pm

Is it possible that she married you to have someone to take care of her, aka sugar daddy? Perhaps she simply does not find you sexually appealing to want to have sex with and reach orgasm? I mean no disrespect, but I am close to her age, a little bit older actually, the idea of having sex with someone in his 50's makes me nauseas. Nothing against you personally, as I find the idea of having sex with someone significantly younger than me equally nauseas.

I think the real reason you should divorce her is that she cheated on you by having sex with your 15 year old male babysitter, not her past before you guys met, unless her past problem is still alive and well. The lies would trouble me too, but is this an isolated incident or there are many other lies that your relationship is based on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 5:55pm

I believe he said she had "dreams" about the babysitter, not that she actually had sex with the babysitter. Dreams are dreams and we cannot control them. God help me if my s/o held me reasonable for everybody that I dreamd out.

You cannot hold her responsible for her past. Everybody has one, and I am sure you do as well. People don't talk about their past out of fear, embarassment, etc, and obviously, she was worried to tell you and rightfully so b/c your first reaction is divorce.

If the sex was so bad, why did you marry her?

Go to counseling her, figure out why it is you no longer connect (if you ever did connect) and if things don't work out after counseling, then divorce then. It seems pretty peculiar why you are thinking about divorce simply because of things that she did with other men in her past before she met you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 7:48pm
we didn't have any sex before we married--and it was only dreams--but 5 or 6 times and in her dreams she had a orgasm everytime
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 7:51pm
where do I find someone to help me---us????????
phoenix,AZ

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