wifes slutty past
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wifes slutty past
| Mon, 04-23-2007 - 8:49am |
My wife and i have been married 5+ yrs--she is 26 and I am 52 we have a great 4 yr old. I have learned just recently that her past sex life was a very slutty one--40 guys hundreds of times in bed with guys -in a short 3+ yrs. Then to make it worse-our sex life is bad--she handly ever cums for me--only if I do oral on her..she says she is just tired of having sex--but I'm not--even at my age I would like it more than she does-alot more--the only thing she likes doing is hand jobs and oral on me.and lately she is into wanting me to take pictures of her performing oral on me.I can't just forget her past-I know some of her past sex partners-they are scum. So any good advise out there for me? I feel I should just give up and divorce her---she lied about her past-she told me 8 guys-but truth is more like 40-she said she hardly ever came--another lie-she said hardly ever had sex--more lies--even 4 one night stands---what should I do? How should I feel about the lies and sex addiction she had and doesn't have now?
Shocked and confused
Shocked and confused

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she told me she had sex just to have sex--and to steal guys from other girls and break up other couples--she liked married or guys committed to other girls---even lap danced a guy just months before we married --i just found out that great news too
when will it end
Ok. I think there are a few things going on here.
Firstly, the generational gap between the two of you is HUGE. You may not think it matters, but it does. There is a big difference between what was acceptable 25 years ago and 5 years ago. It's not inconceivable for a 20-something to have had 40 partners. (I didn't say it was a good thing, I'm saying it's not inconceivable.)
That said. From what you were describing in one of your replies, it sounds like your wife used sex as her power to make her feel better about herself. Essentially,if she can take a guy away from a girl, then she feels she is worth something. She didn't have enough self-esteem and wasn't healthy enough emotionally to pursue healthy relationships. My guess is that she was just as broken when she married you.
You are dissatisfied with your sex life. I'm going to venture a guess that she is too. All is not lost yet. You can't dwell on her past sexual history. You can't and shouldn't judge her for that. After all, you have a past too. You also cannot look at her past and say that just because she has had multiple partners, she should be performing better than she does.
I think there's a lot more going on emotionally that's causing the lack of interest and intensity of your sex life. This is not a one-night stand. Married sex is a hell of a lot more involved than orgasming together.
For the sake of your 4 year old, don't abandon the marriage just yet. Seek counseling then go from there.
I haven't read the whole thread but you're 52 years old so it stands to reason that you would have some understanding of how much people grow and change especially in their 20's. You've been married since she was 21 - how long did you date before that? You married a child and now she's misbehaving. We live in a world that promotes immediate gratification and what's in it for me? I was in my 20's once and I may have had a lot fun but I can say without doubt or hesitation I am not that person now. As we age we mature and gain wisdom and insight. You can't expect a 26 year old to be like a 52 year old. As far as her past, I agree with the person who said she was probably a troubled teen and now she's a troubled adult. You can either be the grown up in the relationship and gear it toward healing and wholeness or you can get a divorce but without her commitment and willingness you are basically on your own.
Her past is her past but I think what you are dealing with here is being triggered by that past based on current behavior.
but keep in mind -- I believed my wife for these past years
that she has problems having an orgasm-so...........
what do i do with all the toys---lubes--pills--books--videos to help her/us
I bought to help her,even sexy outfits to help her feel sexy for me
her past sex partners only wanted her for a booty call and her for a penis call
they treated her like a slut--me! I treated her like a queen
and spent tons of money making her feel good about her self--nails-hair-clothes-jewelry
and all that time --she was lieing--and I feel like she made a fool of me and my wallet
all I ever wanted was someone to trust and to be honest--a best friend- anormal sex life
but what did I really get???? for all my trouble and kindness???
I hate to put a price tag on what I spent--but it is in the thousands--yes alot of hard earned cash for nothing .. nothing but lies
her dreams of our 15 yr old sitter---went as far as her rubbing her leg against him in a truck one day--she was so excited--she came in her pants--speaking of that--she does that almost daily for guys we see shopping or at our jobs/she has a real lusting problem for guys--she looks around alot/fair to me--I'm not an ugly man. she can cum for strangers but not her own husband---am I asking too much to enjoy some of that for me?
and to give everyone a bit more--she is a very lazy house keeper too--junk all over--dishes never done--and yells at our son and even slaps him--no patients --no class--no morals s is the way i see it--
Thank you everyone--what a great site this is--you all give me hope--BUT..........
am I hoping for something that may never be-or happen??
BIG JOHN= dazzed and confused
Ok, point N1: there is over 25 years between you and her. She lives on one planet, you on the other. Neither can relocate to each other's planets - you've done your time on hers, she is ages away from yours. How did you end up in a r-ship, let alone married, let alone with a child in the first place? In 0.001% of cases this sort of age gap will work; in most, it's quite ..odd to even hope for a 25 year gap r-ship to be successful long term. Sorry, this is my honest opinion. Why did she marry you? Why did you marry her? (on second thoughts.. what late 40s man would not marry a 20 y old girl given a chance).
Point N2. A woman who has slept with 40 men is a slut in your opinion? What to you is a slut? A slut to me is a slang word for 'prostitute' = a woman who gets paid to have sex with men. See my point? As a previous poster stated, a number of sexual partners during a woman's teenage years does not mean 'slut'. It means troubled, tormented, unhappy, full of mixed feelings and emotions.. we are in year 2007 now, not 1947. By your definition, I am the Queen of All Sluts of Slut Town - I am 36 and had 50+ sexual partners from the age of 18. By my own definition, I am just me and my life happened the way it did. I have never been addicted to sex; just to lust, life and adventure and fun and and and... all that calmed waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down since I turned 30. What is the big deal? How many partners have you yourself have at your age? My bf who is 39 has had 200+ sexual partners lol - I am not kidding and.. would you call him a slut too? Nope, I bet you wouldn't He's just a gorgeous funny confident and tall Italian man who has never missed a chance when it was offered to him on a plate. What is the big deal?
Point N3: from what you are describing, your wife's brief 'fling' with 'being with a much older man' is clearly over. She wants out, she wants to get on to the next phase of her life, whatever that will be. I do not in any way mean to be rude or horrible to you, but when I was 22 I had a brief 4-5 week fling with a 44 y old man. I was besotted at the time; by the time I got to about 27, the idea of ever having been with that man let alone felt something for him seemed beyond absurd and ludicrous. Maybe your wife is now a completely different person compared to what she was at 20. In fact that is quite likely the case.
I don't know what to advise you... I wish you luck.
she said she always wanted a man to care for her and not use her. but I feel used
as far as living in the 40's---get real--I had 8 lady friends---she had 40 friends?
I may get over her numbers--but it is and always be the lieing--the dis-honesty --betrail
if she would have talked-been honest from day one is what I wanted..but to lie and then continue lieing and making a fool out of my good nature and trust. Ya age--well what can I say--we fell in love not lust...her lusting still today bothers me---her lack of closness with me in the bedroom....how can she lust others --lust in her past to the point of over 400 sexual encounters--and not have the same kind of lust for our marriage?
ok I am older and I hoped wiser---she was abused by men-sexually as she asked for it--kinky sex acts---me i treat her very gentle and with love--I want to make love--not bruises.
slut--well as she calls herself is a slamhog and slut--not my words hers---and she maybe didn't get money for say--she got penis---that was what she said she was after
all I worry about is our son--he has seen his mom--staring at guys---flirting with guys at her job---and wearing clothes that moms maybe should not wear to be a professional--but the guys she goes for or lusts for are married or with someone--same old person she was --not much has changed--it has gotten so bad she had some guy writting her notes and leaving them for her---she told me about a month later when he told her he was watching her and wanted her ----at first I wondered why she left our drapes open at night--now it makes sence---but now she is scared of him--he got very clean in his notes all he wanted was SEX--because of her flirting ---several guys have come up to me and asked if she was seeing anyone--because she was coming on to them
her lastest THING is pictures...pictures of her doing oral on me---I'm afraid she may post them on the net!!!! or what could be the reason for them-sure they are nice to look at!!!but why???
STILL THINK IT IS ALL ME WITH PROBLEMS??????
<<< when will it end >>>
To me, it ended long ago. It's the past and there's nothing she can do or say that will change it. I like to think we are what we DO, not what we've done.
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