will counseling help?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2004
will counseling help?
1
Sun, 01-18-2004 - 6:32pm
My boyfriend of 9 years moved out this morning. We'd been having problems for a long, long time but we stuck together hoping things would work out. After all, we still truly love and are in love with each other. It's incomprehensible to me how two adults in their 30s can't figure out how to make things better!

Unfortunately, we can't seem to make each other happy. At this point all we do is hurt each other even more than we've had. We've managed to screw things up to the point where we are at our worst with each other. In fact, we've both managed to ruin each other's self esteem to where we both question whether we're good people or just utterly awful excuses for human beings.

Nothing ever horrible has happened to us - no infidelities, no traumas, nothing. But lots of small things have happened - money issues, time issues, household responsibilities, friendships -the day to day things most couples seem to handle well (or at least handle), just cause major problems for us.

We are both to blame for things getting so far out of hand - we've both said and done plain mean things to each other out of frustration, anger, and spite.

Though he's moved out, neither one of us wants the relationship to end. We just want a way of dealing with the emotional baggage we've acquired over the last 9 years and try to start again. So we've agreed to counseling.

But does counseling work? Is it too late for us? Has anyone out there been in a similar situation where counseling gave you the tools to stay together and build a strong, happy, successful relationship? Are we just deluding ourselves? Are we both just too scared of being alone to move on?

I would really appreciate any advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sun, 01-18-2004 - 9:00pm
'neither one of us wants the relationship to end.'

Then counseling sounds like a good idea. It is never to late for counseling if you both want to stay together, both can take responsibility and both are open to the tools for better communication. Go for it. Good luck!