Will the fighting stop???

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2005
Will the fighting stop???
16
Wed, 04-30-2008 - 1:55pm

I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half now and our entire relationship has been a rollercoaster. Ever since we started dating we would fight, make up, fight, make up, fight, etc. We work together (that’s how we met), and started living together after 6 months. I have a theory that if I switch jobs then maybe the distance at work will help since we won’t see each other as much and maybe we won’t get so annoyed with each other. I am looking for a job, but I don’t know if it will work. I know I love him, but the fighting is really starting to get to me. I always had hoped that we would work out the fighting and it would settle down a bit, but it hasn’t. We fight at least once a week over stupid stuff (some weeks we will fight or bicker everyday). Also, after a few fights he does this “we fight too much maybe we shouldn’t be together” thing, then I get upset, then he tells me that he loves me and wants to be with me. I want this to work, but I am in denial about the fighting? We are both different people (different values, opinions, the way we look at things and interrupt things, etc). I feel like I am crazy to stay, but I love him so much I know we could make it work, but will it actually happen? Any help or advice from anyone will help. Does anyone have any advice about fighting? I think I should mention that this is the first time each of us living with a significant other.


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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-30-2008 - 10:46pm

It is absolutely NOT true that "everyone" threatens to break up when they argue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2005
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 8:33am
No, everyone doesn't threaten to break up, but everyone has there things and you cant tell that during a fight you or your partner never said anything to each other to be hurtful. And he doesn't threaten to break up, he just brings it up as a possible to solve our issues, but he is never serious about it, he just knows it will bother me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Thu, 05-01-2008 - 1:16pm
Whoa! I never said to break up. I mentioned that you could try working through the little fights to find the bigger issue.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 6:27am

>>but everyone has there things and you cant tell that during a fight you or your partner never said anything to each other to be hurtful.<<


I've NEVER said something to be hurtful during a fight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 8:26am
Well, Heather, I read your post and all of the enlightened answers and perhaps a more succinct answer would be that the two of you ought to spend a bit more time growing up and then try again in the future.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 10:58am

Putting distance between the two of you won't solve the basic problem that is causing the fighting...it will just take away the stimulus (being together). If you are really thinking of building a long lasting relationship with this person, then both of you have to understand what is really causing these fights, what you're so upset about, and learn news ways of coping. This won't work itself out by itself. If it could have it would have already, but instead it's intensifying. Anger often does intensify when not understood and needless to say the results can be devastating. Not only does it wear you both out, but can escalate significantly.


I suggest that both of you get some good professional help in finding out what's causing all this upset, and how to handle it. Even if you don't stay together, it will help you not repeat these patterns in future relationships.


All best wishes,

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