Will he call me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
Will he call me?
2
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 10:28am
My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months. After about being together for four months he moved in. A couple of weeks later he lost his job. I stood by him because I loved him and did everything I could to help him. I typed and faxed his resume everywhere, bought him suits, talked to friends about any openings they might know about. I cooked, cleaned, payed all the bills....(I know I'm stupid!) all by myself. The search for a job wasn't going to well and things between started getting bad because of money issues and he moved back with his mother. During this time, we still continued to see each other and we still knew that we loved each other very much although we had our usual occasional arguments. Finally, about three weeks ago, he lands a good job and he tells me that he needs time and space to figure out what he wants. He's bringing up all these things that have happened in the past that didn't seem to matter before as excuses for us to no longer be together. I decided to give him his space but he would call me up and give me the impression that he wanted to work things out but then push me away again. I finally decided to take matters into my own hands and tell him to take two weeks and if he doesn't call me two weeks from now I'll know that he doesn't want to be with me and I will move on with my life. Now I would love to know was this a good idea? Should I have put the ball in his court or should I have been the one to walk away and say goodbye? He truly was lucky to have me in his time of need and I just feel used that now that he has a job he suddenly doesn't want to work things out when that was the problem to begin with. Do you guys think he will call? In a way I want him to but I hope that when he does I'll have the strength to say no. Thanks in advance for any advice anyone might have on this.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 10:33am

It's good that you put the ball in his court, because that's where it should be. I can understand your feeling used in this relationship. It can backfire to give too much and not have the other person take sufficiently responsibility for their own life. Often when we do this, the person does not feel good about themselves. They can also feel hidden anger with the person they are dependent upon, and also lose some respect for them. Then when they get out of the difficulty, they also want to get out of the relationship. It reminds them of their hard time.


His behavior certainly has not been upright. You have to ask yourself if you want this relationship now? If you don't, that is understandable. If you do, then it must be that he has to court you, win you and show you that he truly wants you. Otherwise he is just playing with you and this is destructive.


Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 10:51am
Thank you Dr. Shoshanna you really hit the nail on the head. Sometimes i do feel that he is angry with me about something but I just can't understand what it is. Now it makes sense. Do you think that if he does come back I should accept? I really think he was ungrateful and he's not a person that I can count on if I ever need him. Or should I just accept it as a mistake he made and realize that maybe he might be seeing things more clearly now.