Will he ever fully commit? Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2008
Will he ever fully commit? Help!
5
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 1:23pm

I have been with a wonderful man for over 4 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 3:05pm

Welcome to the board starryeyedgrrl,


Wow I can't believe he didn't respond back to your email and that he still hasn't. I think it is gotten to the point for you where you need to know what his intentions are and you need to talk to him about this soon and make him give you an answer. Talk to him while the kids are while their father and let him know that this is very important to you and you want an answer.

Best of luck to you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 4:37pm

"About 5 weeks later, he came back and agreed to work on trying to figure out if he wanted to marry me."

He came back and agreed to keep wasting your time the exact same way he did before. People don't agree to work on trying to figure things out... They either know or they don't. And if he didn't, then why didn't he put in effort to thinking about marriage before? He had quite a bit of time to do that.

You keep asking for answers and not getting them. He is increasingly vague so as to keep you on the hook without having to reel you in all the way by marrying you.

I wish I could say this guy will probably change his mind and want to get married to you, but if after two years, a breakup, a promise to try, and two MORE years, it looks like you may have to cut your losses if you want marriage in your future at all.

When you really want to have that commitment to someone, you're sure of it pretty early on. After this long I would take "maybe" as a "no".

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2007
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 10:49pm
I would strongly consider leaving this relationship behind. You say specifically that you NEED marriage. Being in your 30's, four years is definitely long enough to know whether you want to be married or not. I think he is wasting your time, but you are LETTING him waste your time. You say he loves you, but what kind of person doesn't respond to a letter of that much importance? Granted, I don't think an email was the way to go, but to completely brush it off is bizarre on his part. Sit him down, spell it out for him one last time and LISTEN to what he says. If he says "I don't know" again, then you should have your answer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2007
Fri, 01-04-2008 - 7:14am
Couple of questions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2008
Fri, 01-04-2008 - 4:41pm

To answer your question on "why marriage" -- because that is the level of commitment I've determined I want and need in my life from another adult.