will he ever propose?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2007
will he ever propose?
4
Sat, 10-27-2007 - 3:20am
I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 5 years. I first brought up the subject of marriage nearly 2 years ago, and he said we were too young at the time (he's now nearly 30). lately he has been saying that he wants to marry me, that he will propose "soon", but its been months, almost a year. he moved 2000 miles for me to take a job when I graduated with my PhD and we've been living together ever since, over a year. I'm trying so hard to be patient, but I just don't understand what he is waiting for. Whenever I ask him, he says things like what a pain it will be to plan a wedding. i've tried to impress on him how miserable it is making me that he seems unwilling to commit, but it makes no difference. I can't help but feel like if he really loved me and wanted to marry me, he wouldn't draw it out any longer when he can clearly see how unhappy it makes me. So I question whether he will ever follow through and actually propose. I know moving across the country for me was a big deal, but how long am I supposed to wait? At what point do I cut my losses and get out?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sat, 10-27-2007 - 4:11am

ami2patient, first I'll declare my bias and say that I've been living defacto with my partner for 15 years.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Sat, 10-27-2007 - 8:27am

My advice would be that rather than focusing on trying to get a proposal on him, try to focus on getting the truth out of him. If he is only proposing because he feels pressured to, then you probably shouldn't be accepting his proposal anyway. You should only marry somebody who truly WANTS to marry you.

I think people aren't always honest with themselves about why they don't want to get married so tell him to take the time to think hard about it and come to you with the truth. It may be a problem in relationship that is solvable or something else that will change with time and/or effort. It may be a concern that is not going to go away. In that case, you will need to decide if you want to continue living together without marriage or if you want to break up and find somebody who will marry you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Sat, 10-27-2007 - 8:39am
I forgot to add that at this point he's probably used to thinking that you are only asking to try to get him to do it. You will really need to look him in the eye and promise him that you will not be hostile to him if he tells you that he really does not want to marry you. Make sure you spell it out very clearly that you want the honest truth- even if there is stuff that he has been keeping back for fear of hurting you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 10-27-2007 - 3:54pm

Welcome to the board ami2patient,


You've gotten some really good advice already.


With or without marriage and/or a wedding are you happy with the relationship?