Will he ever settle down with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Will he ever settle down with me?
12
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 12:25pm
I have a wonderful friend. We've had a "fling" going for about 17 years. Even through my short marriage, and his long term girlfriends. He has cheated on everyone of his girlfriends with me. I don't know if that is a compliment, but our chemistry together is very strong. There have been long periods of time that we have gone without seeing each other, and we talk almost everyday. We saw each other twice last week for the first time in a long time. It was like we just saw each other the other day. Very comfortable, and very familiar. On our second meeting, we became a little more intimate. I couldn't decide whether to let it go or not, but I decided to try to give him a night to remember, in hopes of him remembering how great it was before. He currently does not have a girlfriend, and he just bought a really nice house. I did ask him for the opportunity to someday give him everything I have to offer, and he said he didn't want to settle down with one person at this point in his life. I told him that I appreciated his honesty. My interpretation was "off base" according to him. He said that I acted like it was "over", and couldn't understand why I referred to things as past tense. He said that all he meant was he really didn't want a girlfriend at this point in his life. I'm very confused. He is the love of my life. And I soemtimes think that he will "choose" me, when he is ready. On the other hand, I feel like he is playing his own game of bachelor, and there are women all over town, pining for his vote. I think there is a message in that he won't ever let me go, I also think that if nothing has changed so far, it probably never will. Why won't he let me go? Our chemistry and compatibility is so very strong. I know that I will be devestated if he marries someone else. He is a very good man, I don't think he could ever have the intent intentions of hurting me. What can I do to finally get his attention?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sun, 08-01-2004 - 10:15am
'I've tried before, and apparently not taken very serious'

Because he has no desire to change. You have decided to settle down but he hasn't.

'How do I let him know this has to stop?'

Has he given you any reason to believe he wants to stop? I just get the feeling that you are turning this situation into a fantasy and not seeing it for what it is.

Can you imagine life with him even if you two became a couple? The first night he doesn't tell you where he is or goes out to run an errand and is gone for 3 hours - would you trust him or worry that he was cheating again?

And do you think that you were the only woman he cheated with?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Sun, 08-01-2004 - 11:40am
Thanks. I'll be OK, reality is just a little diappointing sometimes. I sure do wish things were different. Time to move on.....

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