Will he leave me for his kid's mom?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
Will he leave me for his kid's mom?
2
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 11:06am
My boyfriend and I live together and have been together for over a year. I knew he had a 2 year old daughter when I met him, but he wasn't seeing her at the time because of legal issues. When his ex had the kid, she took off not to be seen or heard from and went to court saying she didn't want him to have anything to do with their daughter. He recieved visitation rights but she and took off again. He hasn't seen his daughter since she was born(she is now 3)Recently his ex showed up and is now letting him slowly see her. She's engaged to some guy and has a 15 month old with him also. The guy she is with is a real loser and you can tell she's only with him because of the kid. I am glad that my bf can finally see his daughter but Im having a lot of trouble dealing with his ex in the picture. She calls him/He calls her and thats fine if they are setting something up to see his daughter, but they start going on about other things like they are best friends. Plus when she calls or he calls her, he usually will get up and leave the room or it feels like he's hiding something. I have a really bad feeling that she wants to get back with him and I've even talked to my bf about this but he denys that she wants him back. He tells me he does not care for her, but i know that he also wants a family and Im afraid that im going to be pushed onto the sidelines and he'll go back to her. If he doesn't leave, how can I control to be around her. Everything annoys me about her and I always feel like I want to hit her. Please help me! Why do I feel this way?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 11:50am

whoa!!!! <<Everything annoys me about her and I always feel like I want to hit her>>


this does not sound good. this is not about her, its not about his kid, its not about your BF. this is about YOU. you need to deal with your very very intense (and unhealthy) feelngs of jealousy and need to control. have you always had these issues?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 2:45pm
While I agree with sk1960, I would add that this:

::Plus when she calls or he calls her, he usually will get up and leave the room or it feels like he's hiding something.

is a HUGE RED FLAG. What can't be said or discussed in front of you? Personally, I would address this issue with him, without telling him all your fears about him going back to her (deal with your insecurities through individual counseling).

Tell him, I realize I have been jealous and insecure and I plan on dealing with it in counseling for myself. It would make me feel more comfortable with this situation if you would have conversations with her in front of me. This would really help me feel better about the situation.


Carrie