Will I ever get past the betrayal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Will I ever get past the betrayal?
3
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 11:38am
I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years and living together for 5, I love him very much but he has hurt me so bad in the past that it is so hard to get over it. We have been to counseling and it helped for a while but after we stop going those feelings come back. Im attracted to him but its so hard to be intimate, I dont even become excited by him. I don't want to lose him, How do i let go of the past? Whenever something new comes up it reminds me of prior incidents. Its so hard and I feel like im really putting a strain on myself. Im sure as far as he knows all is well. I fell like I have been so good to him all these years, by his side through everything, loyal and loving and have not gotten the same from him. I feel so betrayed. I come from divorce parents I have no idea what a healthy relationship is suppose to be. any advice???


Edited 5/12/2004 12:57 pm ET ET by kell7
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 1:27pm
i come from divorced parents too, and i know yours is not a healthy relationship. a good relationship doesn't mean you do all the work and get nothing in return. why do you want to keep him? you don't want to be intimate, he's betrayed you before, he doesn't do anything to make you happy... i'm not sure why you're holding on to him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 1:55pm
I APPRECIATE YOUR RESPONSE I JUST DON'T THINK THATS ITS SO CUT AND DRY. I MEAN ITS NOT LIKE HE GIVES NOTHING TO THE RELATIONSHIP AND ESPECIALLY OVER THE LAST YEAR HE HAS REALLY TRIED(I MEAN I SEE IT MORE THEN I EVER HAVE). WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER SINCE WE ARE YOUNG SO OF COURSE WE HAVE DONE STUPID, CHILDISH THINGS TO EACH OTHER. LAST YEAR WHEN WE WENT TO COUNSELING WE AGREED THAT WE WANTED TO MAKE IT WORK AND THAT WE WOULD START ANEW. BUT ITS ME WHO CAN'T LET GO OF THE HURT. I PROBABLY SOUND SO STUPID, IM NOT AN IDIOT IM A VERY INTELLIGENT WOMAN. I LOVE HIM, AND HAVE NEVER FELT THIS WAY WITH ANYONE. WHEN WE BROKE UP I TRIED DATING BUT IT DID'NT FEEL RIGHT. I DON'T KNOW MAYBE YOUR RIGHT MAYBE LOVE IS NOT SUPPOSE TO BE LIKE THIS. I READ THIS ARTICLE ONCE ON SOUL MATES THAT SAID THE RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE WITH YOUR SOUL MATE IS PROBABLY THE MUST HURTFUL AND STRAINING RELATIONSHIP. JUST LIKE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET PAST THE HURT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LET GO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 2:38pm
oh, ugh. please don't hinge your destiny on "soul mates". true, love can hurt sometimes, but not ALL the time. in all honesty, a good relationship is often very dull, with a few high and low points that break up the monotony.

you don't sound stupid, you sound like someone unwilling to admit that the person they love isn't the right person for them. you said you broke up before and tried to date other people... how about breaking up with him and NOT dating other people? if you don't know what a good relationship is, try forging a good relationship with yourself first. THEN maybe you'll find someone who knows how to be as good to you as you are to yourself.