will it last this time?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
will it last this time?
5
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 4:33am
i currently have an on and off relationship with a guy i have known for years. we were high school sweehearts but broke up and went our separate ways after high school but hooked up again just a few years ago. since we got back together the second time around we've been on again and off again due to timing and busy schedules. we are seeing each other again since the holidays and it seems like he is ready to settle down--we are both 35 years old. we both love each other but can never seem to make things work between the two of us in the past. i just don't want to set myself up to another dissappointment. do you think our relationshop will ever last or do you think this will be an everlasting cycle for the two of us?

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 10:08am

Patterns usually repeat themselves, especially in relationships. There must be some kind of fear or ambivalence going on between the two of you. If you really want to change this, and build the relationship, it will be necessary to change your old patterns. This won't happen by itself. Together you must address the issue, talk it over, realize what has been running the two of you, and probably get yourselves some outside help for a time. It can make a huge difference to find the right person to work with who can give you deeper understanding of the patterns you are caught in. If the two of you could have figured it out by now yourselves, you already would have. There are often unconscious factors at work and that is why it is not only useful but sometimes crucial to get an objective, trained person to give you a hand. Talk this over with your boyfriend and get the support and understanding you need.


All good wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 11:08am
It will only last this time if you two make a conscience effort to work out whatever issues have plagued you in the past. If you two are truly committed to each other and want a future together - you both are going to have to work at it. No relationship can sustain over time without the people involved making a conscience effort to work on the relationship. Think of your relationship as a 2nd job - something that you are going to have to work at.

At this point, have a heart-to-heart with your boyfriend and see where his head is at. See if he is looking for a life partner and to settle down. If so, make sure that it's you that he wants to do this with. Also, express to him how you truly feel and that you really want to make this relationship work.

Good luck...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 11:23am

Unless you two make a concious effort to make it work( ass all coiuples do), it wont and the cycle will eventually repeat itself.


Make time for each other, go on dates, even if its once a month. I think that if you both want it to work, you'll have a fair shot.


Good luck,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Wed, 01-14-2004 - 7:48pm
thank you for your advice. here is an update to my situation. i just found out that although his friends and i see us as a couple, he has been telling people that he is still single. what does he mean by that? what should i do? i'm confused.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Wed, 01-14-2004 - 10:12pm
Unfortunately it means that he sees himself as single or wants to. It also sounds like he is lying to you and that you two want different things in the relationship. This doesn't sound like a man who is ready to settle down like you described.

What will you do with this information? Will you call him on it and ask him what he wants from the relationship and where he sees it going?