Will this relationship survive?
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| Thu, 01-29-2004 - 5:08pm |
He has lived in my home for 6 mos now and contributes nothing financially. He IS doing remodeling work on my home, but does nothing else (like laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc.). I am anxious after 3+ years to committ life-long (marriage) and combine our money and things, sell our homes and buy one house. Seems to me to be logical next step. He sees the situation differently.
He feels that because I still have my two sons living at home, he should only be responsible for what he uses. He also feels we are not ready to take the big step into marriage. I am at a loss. Every step forward in this relationship is because of my "ultimatums" - as he calls them. I feel I am ready to end this relationship, especially after finding out about his feelings about my kids and his money. He doesn't seem to want to make the final committment and has said that he worries that "when we divorce I will get 50% of his retirement" - pretty sad to me. Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention...he makes 100,000 per year, I make 41,000, plus child support.
I am interested in any comments, criticisms and replies I can get on this matter. I have had it up to here...
Sincerely,
Tamanthap
tam_1967@yahoo.com

I was a 37 y.o. divorced mother of 2 small children when I met my husband, who was 40 at the time, so I can relate to you. The difference is that he really did share my goals, priorities, wants, needs and values. It made him happy to become a family, pool our money, buy a house together, share in household duties and the responsibilities of raising his step-children, become a step-father, become a husband for the first time. Did all that scare him? Sure, but it didn't stop him or even slow him down. Who doesn't get scared by such major life changes? That's normal. But... It's what he'd been looking for but never found the right person. So he was eager and enthusiastic about the changes. Years later, we couldn't be happier. I have learned that there's a world of difference between truly finding someone who's right for you (my second marriage) and being with a person you care about and love but with whom you don't share the same goals or ideas about what you want from life and/or the relationship (my first marriage). I'd like to offer that to you to think about. You can't find the right thing when you're stuck in the wrong thing (I learned that too). Do what's best for you AND your kids. Best of luck to you!
Joy Luck Club
You are in an out-of-balance relationship especially financially. He's making you pay more because of your kids - I can understand that to a point, however, why doesn't he move back to his place? He's not ready for marriage then why is he with you?
Carrie
Can you explain something?