Wishing to be the most important?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2007
Wishing to be the most important?
7
Fri, 11-23-2007 - 9:08pm

I got married with this man who loves his family, especially his mother very much since she brought him/his sibling up almost by herself.

We've been married for a year; I came to the U.S. 3 years ago where is none of my family living. I came from a broken family, and I've been barely talking to my father over 5 years. I've always wanted to be in a marriage where I could feel secure and connected to my spouse, and spend time together a lot.

My husband is very independent person, and do things independently too. For him, being with one person all the time is not natural. He would go to see his family/friends as much as possible for weekends.

Since he is 32 y.o, he has so many important things and responsibility in his life and he cannot put me first or the biggest concern, or make me his most important person in his life.

He is my most important person in my life and I talked to him about my feeling so many times but he thinks I am just insane. Is this wish really insane?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2007
Sat, 11-24-2007 - 10:31am

You sound like a lovely person, and you deserve to be the center of a man's life. More importantly, you deserve to be the center of your OWN life. Have you ever put to paper what your goals are--personally, professionally, emotionally? What do you want out of life? And how can you get it?

I spent a long time with a man who was emotionally unavailable to me, and what I am learning now is that I need to be the person who gives myself all the comfort and love that he didn't. That way, I will be okay with or without him.

I wish you the very best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 11-24-2007 - 12:09pm

Welcome to the board kaminyc,


I wonder, if he was spending quality time with you and connecting with you on an emotional level, would you be ok with the way he acts and behaves (independently)?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2007
Sat, 11-24-2007 - 3:43pm

Thank you for your response!!!


I wonder what do you mean "what I am learning now is that I need to be the person who gives myself all the comfort and love that he didn't. That way, I will be okay with or without him. "


Does it mean you start to make friends and go out with them? Or spending time alone to pursue gorals(career, life, and so on)?


I know exactly what I want out of my life. I wane to have a very close relationship in my marriage meaning I spend time with my husband a lot so that I get warmth and peace out of it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Sat, 11-24-2007 - 6:45pm

I am often confused by how this can happen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2007
Sun, 11-25-2007 - 2:27am

He was more affectionate before we got married. He would want to see me for weekends and try to do every effort to see me when he has free time. He would show more attention to me, and always care about me.


He has changed after we got married. He thinks that he doesn't need to pay much attention since we are together; We don't need to make a trip to be only two of us

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Sun, 11-25-2007 - 7:51am

My husband and I are taking a Love and Respect seminar at our church.

It is not enough to have a good mind.  The main thing is to use it well.-- Rene Descartes

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Sun, 11-25-2007 - 7:53am

It sounds to me like he has shifted from wooing you into his life to fitting you into his life.

It is not enough to have a good mind.  The main thing is to use it well.-- Rene Descartes