Woes of dating a seperated man...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2012
Woes of dating a seperated man...
6
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 4:33pm
I have been with my boyfriend for a couple of months now. Honestly, I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. We are compatible in every way. But, there is one thing….my boyfriend is technically separated, and the divorce is still pending. He has been separated from his wife for the last 2 years and was working overseas during this time. The marriage is over between them, emotionally, I am not concerned with that but I am concerned about his financial situation. While he was stationed overseas his wife had not been paying the bills, maxed out the credit cards, and cleaned out his bank account. It left him so financially strapped he has been putting off the divorce because he can not pay for it. I suspect he is still supporting his wife (who never worked, and I think still does not have a job) even though she initiated the divorce and decided to move 3,000 miles away with his 8 year old son. What concerns me is that here is a guy living with me, he is good about helping me with the rent and groceries WHEN he can, but I suspect he is still supporting her. When a guy makes 85K a year and is broke alot, you can suspect that. I asked him if he is cutting ties with her, he should only be sending child support, and he said slowly he will be reducing what amount he sends to her, and things will be taken care of in the next few months. he says he loves me, wants a future with me, and his only wish is to get this all behind him so we can begin our lives together. I believe him, but it just bothers me. I know if he wasn’t’ living with me, he couldn’t even afford a place of his own. It just nerves me that he sends her money while living off of my good graces. Am I selfish to think this way? I really want this to work out....
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 4:48pm

See this is where all single women make the mistake of dating and then moving in with

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 4:48pm

You have been with a guy for a couple of months and you let him move in with you? How the heck did he survive on his own before you let him move in?

"I suspect he is still supporting her"

Why can't you ask him this directly if you love him and are living together?

Whether or not he loves you and wants a future with you, you set yourself up to be taken advantage of really easily.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 4:59pm

Edelweiss, I'm not a cynical person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 8:40pm

I agree w/ TBS that this doesn't really make sense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 9:07pm

This is the oldest con around, blaming the ex for everything wrong in their life. And getting an nieve person to take you in and support you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 02-09-2012 - 12:10am

The "woes of dating a separated man" are well known.