Wondering if I should be in this relatio
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Wondering if I should be in this relatio
| Fri, 07-23-2004 - 9:00am |
I have never done this kind of thing, write to a message board, it is just I don't know what else to do. My story is this: I am 21, dating a 30 yr old man. I have been living with him for almost the entire time we have been dating, 1 year. I moved away from my family and my life to be with him. I was postitive he was the one, I still think he could be. I changed schools and everything. We just bought a house together about 4 weeks ago. So this is very serious, we discuss getting married in a year. Even though all this sounds great, it isn't. We have fought from the very beginning over everything, mostly little things and he seems to always be right and if I put my 2 cents in he gets even madder. We have had a joint accounts for almost the whole relationship, we share everything, so I can't just walk away from this. I only work part time, b/c I also go to school. He works full time and b/c of this he seems to think that I don't do anything and any time we fight these feelings of his come out. About a week before we were closing on the house, it had got to where I was packing and looking for an apartment, b/c I just couldn't take it anymore. But just like always we apologized and made up, but didn't figure out what to do about the problem. It's like we forget all about it. When we fight, we are cruel. A couple of times I hit him and he has pushed me down. I am not saying he is abusive. He isn't. Usually when we fight it is just a lot of name calling and we start going off on things that we aren't even fighting about. For the most part I am happy, atleast I think I am, it's just I don't know if I can handle his short temper much more. We don't know how to communicate to each other, we don't fight far. This morning, he comes in yelling at me, while I am sleeping, telling me I clogged up the toliet, even though there was a logical explaination for it and we were both involved. But b/c he came in yelling my defenses are already up, we start fighting about it. He starts telling I just need to do what he tells me to do and on and on. He left we work without us working it out or saying anything to each other. That's what it is like most of the time, slamming doors, walking away from each other. I wonder if I have gotten myself in too deep. I am lost and confused. I didn't every think I would see myself in this situation.
Edited 7/23/2004 9:10 am ET ET by clarkysue
Edited 7/23/2004 9:10 am ET ET by clarkysue

This Is an abusive relationship. He has absolutely no right to wake you up yelling at you, tell you you must do what he says and put you down in the many other ways you've described. You should get out of this as soon as possible. You are very young and not experienced in relationships or how to protect yourself. Youve only been together a year and are not in too deep...you do not have children and thankfully, you haven't married. Get yourself some professional counselling and guidance on what is going on here. It's not good. If he pushes you and you fall down during an argument, this is Abuse, and abuse often escalates. Take your money out of the joint account, take your things and find a healthy, safe and decent place to live. It is dangerous and unhealthy in many ways to stay in a situation where you are constantly fighting and being abused in various ways. He has a control and anger problem. You do not have to be the brunt of it. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. I also recommend you learn more about abusive relationships. There are support groups for this both online and in the community. Contact your family again. Get yourself a support system. Get a counsellor and find a new, healthy way to live.
We must never stay where we aren't safe, loved and happy.
All the best,
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.
Ashley
hugs ashley. i was in a similar situatin when i was 19, and i was 21 i actually married the guy. I know that people tried to talk to me also about not marrying him - but i was "in love" and wouldn't give him up. (yes, it was a very unhealthy marriage and we got divorced).
from what you are describing - this is a very unhealthy relationship, and not only are you BOTH having problems with controlling your anger - but HE is very controlling which is A BIG RED FLAG. kissing and making up - and promising that you will change - and talking about - all very very nice but you both NEED HELP, as in PROFESSIONAL HELP. please - don't continue in this life without getting REAL help. you deserve a better life.