Wondering if my husband is bi

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2006
Wondering if my husband is bi
23
Fri, 09-16-2011 - 3:45pm
A long time ago before us. He and ex swung with another couple. Supposably ruined the relationships with all 4 involved. With in the last year they are friends again. I've thought things have a weird twist between them all. Like maybe cheating on me with the wife but recently I'm thinking it's with the husband. He was at our apt. Helping hook a tv up and started talking about anal sex and male female he didn't care. My husbands face turned blood red. Looked down and called him a sick fkr. It takes a lot for him to get embarrassed about anything. My gut tells me he's messing with him. He sneaks to their house his wife is at work. We have sex every 4 -8 months. When we do it's different. Not in a good way. Now he's wanting to follow if they move? I've been trying to get him to move for years...someone please reply. I'm so gone...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 09-16-2011 - 4:11pm

I'm thinking your gut is correct.

Are you willing to divorce over this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2006
Fri, 09-16-2011 - 4:21pm
Yes I am more than ready if i can come up with the funds to move on. It's been juggling around in my head for awhile about this but the last scenario was the clincher. He's very short tempered with me, I open my mouth and he's down my throat. Simple as " watcha doin? Ugh. Just tired. Very tired!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2011
Fri, 09-16-2011 - 4:33pm
I agree with you and undercover crab. Something is way off. His anger is probably his defense mechanism because he is disappointed in himself. So sorry about your situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 09-16-2011 - 4:41pm

Then it's time to get the money together and consult a divorce attorney... I'm sorry this must be so difficult for you. Sometimes we know in our hearts that something is very wrong and we don't need to find evidence of it in order to make the decision to move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 09-17-2011 - 1:09am

Yeah I'd say something is up. If he's always sneaking over there when the wife is at work, and you 2 are only having sex once every 4 -8 months, plus your noticing it's "different and not in a good way" Add in the fact that you've been trying to get him to move for years, and then him wanting to follow them IF they move. It all sounds weird and highly suspicious to me. For all you know the wife (if she's been into foursomes in the past) might know somethings going on between them and not care. Or she could be joining in herself. The big thing here is that your

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
Sat, 09-17-2011 - 1:48am

I think you just want confirmation of what you deep down inside already know. I think the guy was in his own way letting you know what the deal was. I also don't understand why he would have to sneak over the guy's house when his wife is at work. If they are friends why would he have to sneak over there? And the not having sex for 4-8 months

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 09-17-2011 - 2:49pm

I would actually think he is probably gay.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2006
Sun, 09-18-2011 - 3:31am
I agree, it's past time. No it would defiantly have to be a bi situation. Has had affairs with other women in the past.. I'm just to the point. It's time to scram and let him be the freak that he is. I'm disgusted, truthfully I don't even want to know the truth. I'm just at the point that enough is enough. Thanks to all that helped me through this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2006
Sun, 09-18-2011 - 11:44pm
My ex is a closeted gay man. He thinks no one knows. And he's tried to cover it up by sleeping with as many women as he can get his hands on. However, he always had a problem with impotency with women. But now, his current girlfriend is a woman who, from the neck down, looks like a 12 year old boy...completely flat-chested and no waist, behind or hips. They were walked in on one night when they were, shall we say, "reversing" genders...she was "equipped" as a man and he was assuming the position of a woman. So he's gay, but he has found himself a female that he can pretend is male. To him I guess that's more acceptable because he can pretend to the world that he loves a woman, but what he loves about her is her ability to appear and behave like a young man.

So, the fact that he's had multiple affairs doesn't mean he's bisexual...he may have been either trying to be "straight" or he was trying to prove to others he wasn't gay, but in the end, he had to find a way to be his true self. He probably needs to keep a wife (you) so he can pretend to be heterosexual to the world. And that's too bad, because, really, who cares if he's gay?

It's a shame he dragged you into his sexual uncertainty and identity crisis...but the time to remove yourself from the situation is now. You are a victim of his inability to face the truth about himself and you owe him nothing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2010
Tue, 09-20-2011 - 3:06pm
If he is messing around with the guy your health is at risk. Save yourself before its too late. You deserve better than this.

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