Won't Come to my house....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2004
Won't Come to my house....
3
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 8:42pm
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years. We went to college together and he graduated, I am still working towards a degree because I am 2 years younger. During the summer, we like to see each other on a regular basis, but I am always going to his house and he NEVER comes to mine. I think he has been here twice. I must drive there once a week, maybe more and it's getting out of hand. I want to say something, but I am not sure how to approach the situation and we rarely fight so I don't want to start anything. I keep thinking if he really loved me he would come, but then I am afraid to know his answer. I'm stuck between saying how I feel or getting taken advantage ofor losing him over something like driving. I know it may sound like nothing compared to other problems, but I am hoping someone can help. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2004
Mon, 07-05-2004 - 10:44pm
So, you've not asked him why he never comes to your house? I think you should - you never know what the answer is. For all he knows you love coming to see him, and he's got no clue you are getting upset over it.

And speaking of getting upset, if you don't mention this it's likely to fester in you until the anger becomes overwhelming and you're completely angry at him.

Finally, I dated a guy who never came to my apartment -- it turned out he was just lazy, which was telling on many levels of our relationship. In our case it meant he was only interested in our relationship if he didn't have to do any work...so we broke up eventually. But, I'd not have figured that out without asking.


Elmira

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2004
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 12:07am
I was in the same situation recently.

My boyfriend RARELY came over to my house.

When I finally got up the nerve and

asked him why, he said it was because

I never invited him!

I didn't know it was as simple as that.

Maybe you should try inviting him over

for dinner or a movie etc.

Good luck, I hope it all works out for you.

-Renelou

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2003
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 1:52pm
I had this problem too spent three summers living two hours away from my man and I think he might have made a dozen trips to see me in the last two. All you want is for him to put a little effort in and get his ass in the car and come to see you. It's not like you're asking for the moon on a string. You have to say something, and tell him how you feel, if you don't he'll never know. It may not change anything, and you still might end up being the one having to put in the drive, and the effort, but at least he'll know how you feel. It's not that you're being taken advantage of, maybe there's a reason he doesn't come and see you much (he's not comfortable at your place...etc.) When I was getting angry and upset about being the one who always had to make the drive, dad asked me something that made me stop and think for a minute. He said 'If the mountain won't go to mohammed, mohammed must go to the mountain' If you love him, and the relationship is worth the drive then it's really not that bad, but you really do have to tell him how you feel. Give him a chance, he might not even realize what's happening.