Won't stop talking to his ex
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| Sat, 01-12-2008 - 1:22am |
Hi guys,
I would like some advice on an on-going problem my boyfriend and I have been having for about the last 1 1/2 years. When I first met my b/f a year and a half ago, he was still friends with his ex g/f. They dated for about 3 1/2 yrs, and were pretty serious. He is now 26 years old, and has been broken up with her for about 4 years. When we first started dating, he would talk to her a lot, go out for coffee, and was kind of flirty. It started making me feel uneasy and upset, so we talked about it and agreed that he wouldn't speak to her anymore. He also wanted my ex to stop calling me. I was happy that when the relationship started getting more serious, we were ready to just be with each other, without the ex's. Well, every few months I find out he's talked to her on the phone. He always lies about it, but I find out somehow. When I get angry and upset with him, he becomes very emotional and

Yes, I would break up with my boyfriend if we had agreed he wouldn't talk to his ex anymore, and he continued to do it and lie about it more than once.
You created an agreement and he simply will not honor it. Getting him to stop talking to her is not an option. Now you decide if this is a deal-breaker for you or not, and then stick to your guns.
I would never tolerate continued lying.
Welcome to the board sassygurl_k,
You aren't making a bigger deal out of this than it is.
>> dont know....its a problem for me though, he should respect that.<<
I don't know that I believe he *should* respect that.
I agree with you...to an extent. If he loves me he would give her up. I understand that talking to her once in a while isnt THAT big of a deal (although you dont really know what has gone on in terms of our relationship and the problems with her)---but if he couldnt give up his ex for me, or to make me feel happy or secure, your right, he should have just told me that. And no, he doesnt get in trouble if he has talked to her. We have agreed that I dont LIKE him talking with her, and there are reasons for that, and he doesnt like me talking to my ex. We agreed (or at least I thought) that there is no need to keep the contact. BUT, if she does call or he does talk to her, I always asked him to talk to me about it. He feels that it will cause an arguement and thats why he hides it. But he has never even given me the chance to show him that NO, he will not "get in trouble". I would just like to know why they are talking, or why she is calling. Its even gotten to the point that Im not concerned with them speaking, its the sneakiness and lying that concerns me. Although we are still together and have talked about the issue, Im having a hard time figuring out if I can trust him, if I should trust him, and if I should stay or go.