work + sport = no time for us
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work + sport = no time for us
| Fri, 09-17-2004 - 6:40am |
My husband has been spending longer and longer hours at the office and then at the local sports club he's involved with leaving less and less time for us. I'm pretty sure there is no other woman involved, but I am beginning to feel really lonely, taken for granted as I have to pick up all the domestic chores as well as the kids' needs and do my own job. I am then shattered so when he gets in at 10pm and I am so tired all I want to do is sleep, he gets angry. He won't talk about it but just says everyone is piling more reponsibilty on him and if he doesn't do it no-one will.
How do I get hiim to see our marriage is a priority and that we need to spend time together?

An HONEST "one-to-one conversation" is definitely due. But each of you has to LISTEN to what your partner needs. If the conversation is "one-sided"---it's DEAD before it even begins! You both have to COMPROMISE in some way!
Since your husband has made the choice to spend his evenings at the sports club--- instead of with his family---he better accept the fact that you're not going to behave like June Cleever ("Leave it to Beaver") or Donna Reed! You are wiped out by 10pm! So you'll need to let your husband know that you'll either be fast asleep (or reading in bed) if he chooses to return at the late hour. If he comes home earlier, he'll get MORE of YOUR attention!
While your husband might be "up to his ankles" in responsibility (at work)...he also has A RESPONSIBILITY TO YOU! If he needs to "unwind" after work for an hour, that's okay!
3 hours is too much!
Pianoguy
this is what i would do
ahem....
I would march those three kids into his office at 4pm, drop them off at his desk and before he can say "wha-" I would interrupt and inform him that I "am up to my ears in responsibility and am going to the spa to 'unwind' therefor he can take the kids to the sports bar for a field trip if he so chooses then get them home, bathe them, do the laundry, dishes and get htem into bed, bc after i leave the spa I am going to a girlfreinds house to play cards. be home around 10. bye sweetie".
if he tries to question you again , say "well if you hadnt gotten home so late last night we could have discussed this now couldnt we? have fun kids see you tonight love you!" and walk away.
i am NOT kidding. that is EXACTLY what i would do.
do it.
and it will surely prompt a conversation from his end. if he gets mad... do NOT react. if he blames you, points fingers, brings up old pasts etc... do NOT react until he is finished. Listen to what he has to say and then look him square in the eye and say "well did you atleast have fun with your children? because they have missed you... and so have i". then walk away. be sure that no matter what he accuses you of or swears or yells... that you keep your focus and voice down and do not react bc that short and quiet last word is going to send the biggest message of all and EVERYTHING he was thinking, yelling and angry about will fly out the window.
trust me.