work stress?? What's happening? HELP
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| Sun, 07-22-2007 - 9:23pm |
Hi everyone,
I am in desperate need of advice. I haven't been to this board in a LONG time but now I need advice. My boyfriend and I just passed our 3rd year together. I am in my mid, he in his late 20s. Our relationship has gone through some rough patches but things have been great (we went away to a weekend get away in april and we were SO in love) for the past year and half....well until now.
He works in an industry where it's 'busy' season from july-september meaning long days at the office (7am-11pm on most days)and he also has to go in one weekend day. My hours aren't bad at all and I've never had to work weekends.
I went away with family for 2 weeks and during that time, he has become distant. He did not call me 3 times in a week when he said he would (went out, came home at 3am and was too tired or fell asleep early or forgot his phone in the office)which is very much not like him. He has also been more 'apathetic' towards me in general; our phone converations are short and he rarely says anything. I saw him yesterday for the first time in 3 weeks since coming back from my vacation and he seemed very happy to see him and we had a good time together. Spoke to him on the phone today and again, he was very short with his words, didnt have much to say. I asked him what the matter is and he just said 'nothing, i am fine'.
I am not really sure what is going on. I would never suspect him of cheating (he wouldnt do that to me and he wouldnt have the time for it anyway) but I am just confused as to what is happening to our relationship. A few things you should know though. He does not like his current position AT ALL and working the late hours makes him very tired. I just dont really know what to think. It might (and I assume this is the reason) be that he already hates his job when he spends 40 hrs a week at the office, so when he spends 80 hours at the office, it wears down on him. It really does hurt me though that he is almost 'cold' towards me and when I tried to tell him that I dont like the person he becomes when he is so busy at work he angrily replies "It is MY career, so don't even go there".
I am at my wits end. I love him dearly but I feel like he thinks that when he is stressed out at work, he has the right to be however he wants to towards me and I am supposed to be fine with it. I am trying to keep myself more busy now that he is working such late hours so I am not so bothered when he doesnt call. Maybe he needs his space? Anyone have experience with a person like this or is a person like this? Any ideas will help. Thank you in advance.

Remind yourself that you know how his job is seasonal in his hours and stress. What about last year- was he as stressed and 'distant' then?
I think you should just support him and let him know that you are there for him if he wants to vent and don't start bugging him about the time he doesn't spend with you or the amount of calls. If he is rude then call him on it. If he is unusually distant (more than last year at this time) then talk about it.
Good luck