workaholics

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
workaholics
12
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 7:18pm
If a guy is really consumed with work (his regular day job) and is trying to start up his own side business as well, how will he find time to date? If the right girl comes along will he make time for her to have a relationship or will he have to take care of matters first before he can even think of having a relationship and just occasionally hang out with friends just to relieve the stress of his everyday life if the opportunity comes up?

Thanks for your thoughts.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: ihope888
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 7:34pm
Depends on his priorities.... sounds like being successful (he's definition of successful) requires he do all he's doing work-wise. If the right girl came along, he MIGHT re-prioritize his life, but then again he might not.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: ihope888
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 7:40pm
IMO "the right girl" for a man like that would be a woman who IS ok not being number one on his priority list, a woman who doesn't want or need a lot of companionship or time spent together, a woman who is very independent and most likely also a workaholic, and/or is working side by side with him in this new business venture. Otherwise, no, he won't change his lifestyle, his dreams and goals, to be the same as any woman who comes along. Because if her goals, priorities, lifestyle and dreams don't match his, then they aren't the right people for one another in the first place. The right person is someone who you do not have to change for in order for them to be happy and content, nor do they have to change so you can be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
In reply to: ihope888
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 9:17pm
If he's truly a workaholic, he's not likely to alter his behavior for anyone. That's not to say he wouldn't have time for a relationship. But the very nature of a workaholic is to invest the majority of their time at work. They're very ambitious, typically. The down side of that, of course, is that they don't have a ton of free time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: ihope888
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 9:22pm
Is this about the guy you have been posting about? Do you think the reason that he is not accepting your invitations is due to his job demands?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
In reply to: ihope888
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 3:39pm
That is what I believe. I know for a fact the he is really busy. I have seen the projects he had been working on outside of his regular day job. He showed them to me. He just finished a project for a friend of mine. My friend told me how he was there every weekend working while he was on this particular project. In January, he just got an office space and he is fixing up the space himself. He has ripped the place down to the studs. He's running around trying to get the office set up such as getting business cards to setting up a website. So he has a day job, freelancing on the side and trying to start this new office. So my friends thinks he just doesn't have the time to get involved in a relationship. Our mutual friends don't really see him that much anymore too. So I don't know. What do you think? Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: ihope888
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 4:15pm
I think you really, really need to move on like everyone has been telling you. Do you want to know if he is turning down your offers because of you or because of work? Is that what this is about?

You are spending a lot of time thinking about him and trying to analyze his emails and why he is turning you down. It really doesn't matter does it? The fact remains that he is not taking the bait, or accepting your invitiations and he is not asking you out or asking for a rain check for when things get less hectic.

Please move on. Aren't their other guys around that you know?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: ihope888
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 4:46pm
You just don't seem to be getting it. You're not listening to what everyone is telling you or you just don't want to hear it. YES he IS really really busy. So what? What don't you understand? He is legitimately busy with work projects -- what's your question?

What you see is what you get. I assume you're unhappy with the amount of time he gives you since you're posting here about it. Well....accept what he has to give and be satisfied with it AS IS or move on. If this isn't working for you AS IS then it's not the right relationship for you. Period.

What's so hard to understand about that?

You can sit around and hope all you want. But happiness and contentment are not found through hope....they are found through making wise choices for yourself. Hope that light dawns for you soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
In reply to: ihope888
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 4:47pm
You make a very good point. The bottom line is that I do want to if he is turning me down because of me or work. I know what it feels like to be overwhelmed and have to turn guys down even if I am interested. This is what I used to do when I was younger and I have actually let one good guy slip because of that--being too consumed with work and studies. Not having any time. Just taking care of myself first. It's just that every time I decide to give up on this current guy he comes around knocking on my door again.

Yes, there are other guys around and I'm not interested in them the same way I am interested in this current guy. I mean some of these guys that I'm turning down are not that bad. They are very accomplished--vascular neurologist, electro-cardiologist, patent lawyers, corporate lawyers, and etc. And it has been hard to find new guys. I've been disappointed everytime my friends and I go out. We go to many different places such as bars, alumni networking associations, professional associations, social gatherings, charity events, happy hours and etc. There is just something about this current guy that I like and I don't know why?

Thanks for your thoughts and concern. I have been wasting a lot of energy figuring this one out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: ihope888
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 4:55pm
'There is just something about this current guy that I like and I don't know why?'

Maybe it is the chase. You don't know him well at all and so that gives you the opportunity to put him up on a pedastal. If you don't know him, then you can create the perfect him in your fantasies.

'every time I decide to give up on this current guy he comes around knocking on my door again'

How? Does he ask you out? Does he tell you that he has feelings for you? In your posts it seems that he doesn't come to you but that you go to him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: ihope888
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 5:03pm
Ok well, if THAT's the type of man you're looking for or are impressed by: "vascular neurologist, electro-cardiologist, patent lawyers, corporate lawyers, and etc" then you WILL have to deal with being in a relationship with a workaholic who doesn't have a lot of time for togetherness and cultivating the relationship.

Do you want companionship or a partner who's "accomplished"? Do you want status, money, a family, lots of together time, being on the top of his priority list? You can't have it all, you have to decide what the most important things are that will bring you happiness and contentment. It all depends on what YOU are looking for in a relationship.

And chances are, if this WAS *it* for you, then you'd BE happy and content with it AS IS ...and you'd feel no need to ask all your friends for advice or ask strangers on an anonymous message board for opinions about it.

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