Is this worth it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2004
Is this worth it?
2
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 7:59am
My husband (that I was divorcing) passed away September 2003. Shortly after I met a man that I dated and lived with for almost 10 months. I broke up with him because he has a problem with ambition,(he has none) and he went through three jobs in the time we were together. Also, I felt like I wanted to date around and have a little more fun before I settled down again. Well, it has been two months and we talk about every other day or so, and we recently went to dinner and a movie together. The problem is, he loves me, and loves my children very much. I love him too, but this not being able to keep a job worries me. Do I hold out for something better, or can we work on this? He quit drinking for me, because he could see how much it bothered me. But my family doesn't like him, even though he was wonderful to me and my children. He really made me happy except for the job situation. So what do I do? I am having a hard time being single, I never really have been. Why do I NEED to be in a relationship? Should I work on this? He really was wonderful to me and we laughed all the time, but is he going to stay a "loser"? I have high hopes for mine and my childrens future, and I don't want to end up supporting my man. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 10:08am
I totally understand that it can be hard to be single esp. when you haven't been before. I was married for a year, then got a divorce and didn't date for 6 months. To be honest, it was hard at first, I found myself 2nd guessing my decision to get divorced (even though it was the right thing to do).

Anyway, after about a month of being on my own, my life improved... I started a diet/exercise plan and stuck to it, I got promoted at work a couple of months later. I also was going to school fulltime and that semester I got on the dean's list even though I was working full time as well.

The point is that you need to focus on YOU and your kids. Yes, it will be hard but you should not settle. I didn't settle (by going back to my ex) and guess what... after those 6 months of being on my own and working on ME I found the love of my life. He is a great man, with a great job and my family and friends love him. He was attracted to me b/c he saw that I had confidence and was going somewhere in my life.

You said this man you are talking to stopped drinking "for you". Did he have a drinking problem? Is he getting help for the drinking like by going to AA? How do you know that he may go back to drinking? I would be weary of being with him esp. if I had kids.

I think for your sake and your children's, you should let this guy go, he sounds like bad news, esp. if your family does not like him. Sometimes your family and friends can see things that you can't and they are the ones who want what is best for you.

You will find someone Worth you! But you won't be able to if you stuck with this guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 2:34pm
::Why do I NEED to be in a relationship? Should I work on this?

Yes you should work on this. Consider short-term counseling. Look at the reasons your family doesn't like him. And know this, nothing will change with marriage. If you aren't ok with him NOT having a job now, you won't be ok with him NOT having a job while you are married to him.


Carrie