would be grateful for your perspective

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2011
would be grateful for your perspective
15
Thu, 10-06-2011 - 6:01pm

i have been with my fiance for just over a year and a half. now we were very intense and passionate and did use protection but still we were blessed with a little angel given to us june this year.

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-06-2011 - 7:03pm
This is my view.

I can understand wanting to be incorporated as part of his family, especially his children but that is his life not yours. I do think that eventually that the step siblings would want to know that they have such relatives in their lives but I don't think that it is necessary.

You are involved with a man who has another family who is being a responsible father. The reality is getting split time and attention from him.

Mark
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 12:05am

My opinion?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2011
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 6:44am

hi and thankyou for your responses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 1:24pm

I think something very odd is going on here.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 2:04pm

So as I understand what you want is: 1) Have the house sold so he will have enough money for a house of your own with him and 2) see his daughter and 3) not be so friendly with his ex.

Am I right?

I see these as three separate issues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 2:19pm

I agree with the other posters but I would like to add.. From what I read it sounds like something like a three way relationship.

You, He and the ex and sometimes their child.

I once dated a guy who had feelings for his ex all the time.. So I left him because there is never room for three people in a relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 10-07-2011 - 3:53pm

When you marry someone, you become a family.

This man for some reason wants to marry you (probably for the implied stability) but doesn't really want to make you a member of his family. If you are naive enough to actually go through with a wedding (and I don't mean to insult you), you shouldn't expect anything to change. You would be wise to put the brakes on this relationship until he is able to show you that he is serious about you becoming a part of his family.

He may never be willing to do that. But at least you will know before you sign the piece of paper that bonds your life to his.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2011
Sat, 10-08-2011 - 2:06pm

mark youve picked me up wrong on a few things

1/ its not my yet-to-be-born son, he is here he is now 4 months old.

2/

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2011
Sat, 10-08-2011 - 2:20pm

thankyou all for your replies its been lovely having your views. i failed to mention that hes a big softy but we had quite an upsetting discussion about it and he knows how i feel and what i feel should be happening by this stage which is his daughter incorporated within our family unit. to me its just not normal. thanks all that took the time out to answer xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2011
Sat, 10-08-2011 - 2:24pm

thankyou all for your replies its been lovely having your views. i failed to mention that he's a big softy but we had quite an upsetting discussion about it yesterday and he knows how i feel and what i think should be happening by this stage which is his daughter brought into our family unit. to me its just not normal not to. thanks all that took the time out to answer xx

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