Would couples therapy help?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Would couples therapy help?
2
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 6:52pm
Would couples therapy help me to be less intimidated around my 40 year old boyfriend? (I'm 24) . We've been together for a year, and I always have felt somewhat on the edge, intimidated, at times afraid. The way I feel around authority figures. He is the most loving, sweetest, giving man I have ever met. I am blessed to be with someone who is not emotionally unavailable, rude, or abusive. But just this feeling of being uncomfortable is bothering me... Is this permanent? Or would couples therapy help? I try to imagine being with him for years, but I'm afraid because of feeling uncomfortable I might not be truly happy :( But I want to. This is the first age gap relationship I've had. Thanks so much !!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 10:13am
Violette...

Not being a therapist, I can only give you my "take" on your question.

The greater the distance in ages between 2 people...the more it's necessary to accept and adapt. You're in a relationship with a man who is 16 years your senior...and when a guy reaches 40...there are physical and emotional things about us that change. (Women turning 40 experience similar changes but there are also 'hormonal' changes which really confuse the heck out of men like myself).

While I'm sure the self-conscious-fear issue is a REAL CONCERN to you...why not ask yourself why you fell in love with this "mature gentleman" in the first place? If it was akin to having a "father figure" or somebody to control you....THEN WALK AWAY NOW! Because the longer you stay...the more insecure you're going to be!

I might be wrong, but I don't think this is happening with you. But would you ask yourself an honest pair of questions...please???

IS THE 16-YEAR AGE DIFFERENCE THE REAL ISSUE? or DO YOU WANT TO DATE A FEW MORE MEN BEFORE YOU SERIOUSLY THINK ABOUT SETTLING DOWN?

Give both questions some honest thought and once you do...I'll bet you'll discover some answers that will either strengthen this relationship...or help you realize that you're just not ready for it.

Pianoguy



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 5:34pm
Therapy (couple's or individual) could very well help instill some confidence in you, teach you assertiveness (or a collage class) and with both things going for you, you will less easily intimidated. Piano Guy brings up some good points and therapy could help you pinpoint the real issue - some you seem to be aware of and also the hidden ones.

My best to you.


Carrie