would you consider this cheating or am i
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would you consider this cheating or am i
|Mon, 06-02-2003 - 4:58pm|
My boyfriend of 4 years has aways been very affectionate & caring. He has always has a hard time communicating with anyone. he is very private not just with me but with everyone.(family, friends, etc.) I never knew I could love someone so deeply & passionately. I absolutely love his 5 year old son as well. My problem is that one year ago we moved into his parents house (they offered to help us save money to buy a house). Since then we have had more problems in our relationship than ever. Both of us are very emotionally sensitive people. His family is also very judgmental (but they never say what they are thinking to anyone's face). It makes both of us very uncomfortable. I want a home for us so badly that it breaks my heart everyday & I am having a hard time with not feeling like I have a home. I am saving to buy this home by myself because I make much more money than him. he confuses me though. He is a very carefree soul & I am very worrisome. I am very driven & he is very laid back. I think we compliment each other's weaknesses but we have a breakdown in communication. Sometimes I can tell he is not happy because I am not happy living here & I can't get him to talk to me about it. He doesn't know what to do to take the pressure off of me. I feel like I have totally supported our family & I just want him to pitch in. I am very big on communication & I have been pushing him to talk to me but nothing is working. I think I pushed him too far last week. I was telling him that he's relying on me to do everything for what we want in life. I even take care of his son & he should be doing more (either financially or spending more time with us or something). That same night I was at work (I work 2 jobs & I was at my night job). usually he hangs out with friends or something while i am working & I call him when I am done & he meets me at home. Well Saturday I called him on my way home & he said he was just out driving around. When I asked him when he'd be home he said soon just go home. He couldn't give me directions to where he was or tell me when he'd be home. So I got freaked out because I just wanted to see him so bad & it hurt my feelings that he didn't want to come home & see me right away. I followed my instincts to his best friend's ex-girlfriend's house & found his car parked around the back of her apartment building. I was calling his cell phone frantically & he wouldn't answer but I could hear it ringing through the screen door from the back patio at her house. The living room & kitchen lights were on but nobody was in there. The bedroom light was off & the blinds were half open. I rang the doorbell about 500 times before he came to the door. I was so angry I attacked him & busted his nose & just tried to obliterate him for about 20 minutes. He said he doesn't know why he went there he just wanted to hang out & talk to her. I asked him why he wouldn't talk to ME & he said he just couldn't. When I asked him why he parked around back he said he knew I would come over there looking for him. he swears nothing happened than they were in her bedroom talking about his best friend's new girlfriend. when I asked why they were in her bedroom he said the tv in the living room wasn't working. I would never leave him based on that incident but I was very hurt that he lied to me. He says he didn't want to tell me he was going to go hang out with her because it would've got me upset that he wanted to hang out with her & not me. Now I am just wondering if he will always lie to me or tell me what I want to hear thinking I can't handle the truth because I am so sensitive. I am really confused right now & he can't answer any of my questions. he still doesn't talk to me about things that bother him or what happened that night but I feel like he is not being honest. My instincts tell me he is not happy because he doesn't act how he used to with me. he's different. He says he can't be happy if I'm not happy & I can't be happy unless his is happy. It's like a catch 22. He says he just wants to have fun & I worry all the time about getting a house & making money (which I do). Whenever I hangout with him & his best friend they just do childish things (like make farting noises in restaurants & talk about tits & just really uninteresting things). He also works with his best friend & they spend 12-14 hours a day together. His best friend is trying desperately to find love. My honey seems so bored with life. He did tell me because he had his son at 19 he feels he living his backwards. Now that his son doesn't need him as much he's ready to have some fun. So am I but we need money to do that & a place to live first. I don't know how to handle this situation. I feel like if I keep probing I'll push him away again but yet he won't talk & I don't know what he wants. Maybe he doesn't either. Any suggestions?