Would you risk it all? Part 2

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
Would you risk it all? Part 2
3
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 1:13pm
Would you risk it all? Part 2

Yes

No

You will not be able to change your vote.




Edited 4/24/2004 5:40 pm ET ET by thedifferentguy

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 12:25pm
Risk all of what for what purpose?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 5:40pm
You see this is part two to a two parter. Part one is the story it is labled would you risk it all. But for those who haven't read it, I got out of a going bad relationship last year about this time. Where I was dating a girl for 6 years who I left after she cost me 15,000 in 5 months. Moving ahead, my mom got sick so I came home, where around mid october I was introduced to a girl older than me (10 years) who I blown away by in her independance and that she herself about the same time as me was getting away from someone who they were supporting a little too much. Well after a few weeks of dating she told me she loved me. Myself feeling still to soon and scared just continued talking like it was nothing and told her I am just not ready to say those words. By Christmas I said them to her but then it all changed she became very with drawed from me. I asked her whats wrong, and she said nothing. Then it started, she was sitting in my lap as we checked our e-mails. She had one from her ex a very sexually explisit e-mail. I picked her up sat her on her chair, walked over to the bed and sat looking at her but away from the computer. She asked me what I wanted her to do with the e-mail, I told her I don't own you, what you do with that WILL effect us but you have to choose what to do. I didn't even suggest anything. So she said she deleted it and blocked him. Okay, great, whatever I was mad that she just did that without saying anything like please don't send me anything like that, but to late now. So another month goes by this time we are checking our e-mails at my place. Now, we have an older computer and there is a glitch where if you don't completely log out from hotmail, when you click the quick link button on the tool bar, it thinks you never logged out so places you right in the e-mails. She checked hers first earlier in the day then when I went and clicked to log in I was logged in as her and sitting in front of me was the e-mail from christmas. Now there were more e-mails. And I wanted to know what was wrong. So I risked my own morals of trust because I didn't want to be used and checked the next couple e-mails. I found out she told him were we separated at one point and even begged him to come back. HOWEVER he told her it wasn't fair to me. So I risked my whole heart on her because she got me to love again and waited to see if she would chase him or stop. Well she stopped. Then last week she was yelling at me about her not being allowed guy friends. And I lost it, I own know one. Know one owns me. So I told her I am not as dumb as she thinks I am and told her about knowing about her ex. And if I had any objections about her talking to her guy friends I would have done something a long time ago. So she left me. I was never mad at her, I was hurt, but I cared enough to let her make up her own mind. Even still I cry at night wondering why when I let her do whatever did she leave me. So the question before you is if you know something is wrong and you are given to opertunity to find out what is wrong regardless of the privacy. Would you risk it all.
Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 6:22pm
Ok - I'm a little confused by the story, but that's ok.

My general advice is to not get involved with people so quickly. Take your time. Get to know them. Even if you are really attracted to a woman, don't rush into an emotional involvement before you know what she is about. This will save you a lot of heart ache and probably a lot of money if this other woman managed to cost you 15 grand in 5 months.

So I say, chalk this up to experience, date other women, play the field a little bit, and if you meet someone you think has potential, then get to know her. But don't get all involved with anyone before you have a good handle on her character and you are certain she isn't carrying any baggage around from some ex or whatever. Who needs the drama, right?

As for this think about whether it's ok to snoop - I guess it depends - but if you are with a good woman, you shouldn't have to snoop.