Xmas Spending and Issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
Xmas Spending and Issues
5
Fri, 12-14-2007 - 6:32pm
I have been with my boyfriend since April (we were on and off before that since Aug 06). We went shopping to the maul together over the weekend to get ideas for each other-everything he pointed out to me that he liked was either under 20 bucks or over $5000 (massager chair, expensive watches, pinball machine). My thoughts were to spend around $400ish. On the way home in the car, he asked the question "what do you think we should spend on each other for christmas?"...I said, I duno what do you think and he said, "how about $2000"---my face almost dropped to the ground and of course his phone rings with his boss on it and my face dropped and said "2000 no way!", he said "I am on the phone with my boss, afterwards" Well then he dropped me off and we have not visited the conversation since. What would your reaction be?

Since, the weekend, I have been totally bumming about this conversation and I mean it has totally taken the joy out of christmas for me and wanting to give a gift to him. He often reminds me that he makes more than five times what I make, yet he is rather cheap with me. He will spend thousands on his guy weekend trips and he has sent me flowers a couple times at work, but other than that a couple of my friends think he is a little cheap with me. It is like he totally loves the image of being with me, but not so good as to help me out when it doesn't reflect him. We are going a trip to Europe for one week in january (splitting 50/50) that I am really looking forward to and I have said to him that this is a stretch for me and even asked him if we could just say that is our christmas gift to each other and he says, "No, I love all the gifts that you get me and looking forward to a christmas gift"


I am confused as how much to weigh this into our relationship? We have been having differences lately and this just kind of was the icing on the cake of it for me. I am even letting his best friend stay at my place for the month (his wife and him are going through a divorce decided a couple weeks ago), so he could get things in order-where to find a place etc. I was like ok at first, then last week I asked my bf so when do you think you friend is going to move out of my place?...he said, well not until his house is sold. My bf and I have been living together since, but I have given up a lot of me alone time. The third big issue is that (he has said that he would like me to come back to his company (where we met and i left) and we had dinner with the cfo on saturday, and he actually sent an email to the cfo of his company on monday with my current work email address bcc'ed (my boss reads my emails) in the header line-would love to come back to the company)---I was really ticked off about this one on monday


Any advice would be greatly appreciated and thank you for taking the time to listen!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2007
Fri, 12-14-2007 - 6:59pm

He sounds like a jerk to be honest, but I've only heard the bad stuff.


I suggest you try talking to him, explaining that you don't have that much money and that you would rather give him a present you pick out than have to spend a lot of money.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 12-14-2007 - 9:33pm
He sounds like a total ass. $400 for a relationship that's not even a year old is WAY overboard to begin with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-14-2007 - 9:35pm

You seem to have a lot of fairly serious issues with him, and you've only been together 8 or 9 months. In that amount of time, you've had his friend and him move in with you (big mistake with the friend - the friend should live with your BF in another location, not with you, and it is too soon for you to live with your BF as well).


It doesn't matter if your friends think he's cheap. It only matters what you think of him. If you think he's cheap and a poseur, that's not good at all and you should reconsider him as a BF. I'd also give his friend a move out date. It's your place, they don't tell you when he's moving out, you tell them. You might want to wait until after the holidays to do this.


If you want to continue this relationship, then only spend what you can afford on a gift for him. If he has any reaction other than genuine appreciation and pleasure at your thoughtfulness - DUMP HIM! Some ideas: Homedics now makes a portable massage seat for $100.00. You can buy a very nice watch for $50.00. And you can buy a toy pinball machine as a gag gift. Or buy a couple of the $20.00 gifts he pointed out. Do not feel coerced into buying something you can't afford to spend. Something tells me that your relationship isn't going to go the distance, and you'll regret spending money you can't afford on him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2007
Sat, 12-15-2007 - 12:50am

Thank you everyone for your help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 12-16-2007 - 12:14am

Welcome to the board sunnyside2007,


Have you seen the movie Joy Luck Club? If not, I highly recommend it.


::"No, I love all the gifts that you get me and looking forward to a christmas gift"


You need to speak up... 'Sorry, on my salary that will not work for me.'


You getting talked into allowing his friend to move in with you, is not a good thing either.


Sometimes the right answer is *no*.