You guys were so right

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
You guys were so right
12
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 10:47pm
ok.for those who know my situation...do i have a story to tell u! :) For those who don't...i'll just update u a lil' so maybe u can help me out. Ok, me&my ex fiance have been broken up for a yr&a half, but still talk to eachother&see eachother seeing how we have mutual friends. I still (or up until about 20 min ago) want to be w/this guy b/c i do still love him&he tells me he loves me to. But for the past yr he does the one week he's interested&the next he's not...off 'n on. He tells me he can't be in a relationship b/c of his busy schedule...which i understand seeing how we are so young-we're both 20. But a few days ago...everything changed. his schedule isn't busy any more at all b/c he stopped going to school....and he is going to start working w/my dad&brother in law in their new business. Anyway, on my last post everyone was tryin' to tell me that maybe he is seeing someone else...and i guess i didn't want to believe it because i kept making excuses. OK...WELL....just about 25 min. ago my friend calls me&she starts tellin' me about this girl at her work that has been talkin' about this guy she kinda likes&has seen him a couple times&my friend wasn't listening all that much 'cause she really wasn't interested....but that was before today when that girl was talkin' again&she said the guys name&how he got hurt a couple weeks ago. And my friend was like...UM....whats his last name? and she told him AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW....ITS THE GUY I'M IN LOVE WITH....BUT DOESNT HAVE TIME FOR ME!!! omg...i don't know if i should be upset or not because he has every right to date someone because we are broke up. And the girl told my friend that they havent kissed or anything&the girl knew about me...she even knew my full name! Anyway...i just don't know what to do...i have no idea how to handle this. Should i ask him about her...or ask him if he is seeing anyone and see what he says. But i'm sure she has told him about it...so he's going to know that my friend told me. I know i have no right to be...but for some sad reason i'm kinda upset about this. I guess i just still want to work things out with him someday. So...ANYONE...what should i do. How should i aproach him about this? or should i not at all&just start acting like i'm not interested? I just don't want to lose any chance there is of us ever being together again. Ok...well, now that i got that off my chest. Please help me out on this one. U guys that have replied to my last post were extremely helpful&appearantly extremely accurate :) thanks alot

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 1:03am
Ok, I followed this from before. Stop trying to think of ways to handle this like it's a script and you have to write the best lines. Just be straight up honest. Let him know you heard about the other girl as she herself was talking about him. (She blabbed) No hysterics or yelling or crying. Just say what you heard and tell him that you really like him but you don't want to keep getting jerked around. If he's really not interested just say so. If he wants to see other people just say so and you can get on with your life. The truth is the best. Then you just hope he does the same and is truthful with you. Otherwise there is no sense being hung out to dry or kept on a string. There's alot of other guys out there so why spent all your time wondering whats going on. Just be straight with him and ask him to do the same for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 10:21am
Hi. Thanks for the advice. And i'm going to follow it&tell him pretty much exactly what u said. I know u don't think i should, but i'm going to do it in an e-mail. 'cause i dont really get to see him that much alone in person. And he's just the kind of guy that just shuts down and doesn't really respond when i try to talk about this kind of stuff. And things usually go over alot better in e-mail....he's usually more honest. but thank u again...u have really helped me alot with my problems, more than u know
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 3:53pm
Ok. i think this is what i'm gonna say in my e-mail....how does it sound to you guys? "So, i heard you're seeing someone. Which is fine seeing how we're not together or anything. But i wish you would've just told me that you were looking for someone else...instead of telling me you didn't want to work things out b/c you don't have time.Because appearantly you do because you talk to that girl alot&go on dates with her. So, i need to know something&now is definetely the time to be just straight up w/me&tell me how you feel. Are you even interested in me anymore? or not? If you are, i think it's time we try to work things out...even if it's just slowly. If ur not though&u are looking for someone else&wanna date other girls...then i think it's time for me to move on w/my life&stop waiting around for a guy that doesn't plan on being w/me unless it doesn't work out w/any other girl. You really need to make up your mind about how u feel about me&what u want. I have waited for a yr&a half...and i think that should be more than long enough for you to make up yor mind about me. I really do honestly love you w/everything in me, but i won't just be your back-up girl. Write back. bye" How does that sound? Is it too much? any suggestions would be greatly appreciated
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 5:27pm
Maybe I'm missing something here, but what's the point of sending him an email? So you can tell him how much it really bothers you that he's seeing someone and didn't tell you he was looking for someone? Write an UNSENT letter instead and let sleeping dogs lie. You don't want to debate him about this and think about it, what could he possibly say that would make you feel better AND would he say it?


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 10:02pm
He says he's not with you because he's busy, than he get's unbusy and he still is not with you...he's even seeing someone else. He doesn't want to be with you. Even though thats sad and mean, he doesn't, he wants to be with other girls. Why embarrass yourself with an e-mail saying "If you want me say so, if you don't say so" because he all ready said so by NOT seeing you more and seeing other girls? I think it's best to leave things alone and like your letter says...move on. You don't have to announce you are moving on. If you just do, and act like a friend, someone who is not interested...it's going to be a lot easier. We were right about him seeing another girl...maybe you should just tone it down a bit with this? You deserve someone who is honest and straight with you.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Fri, 10-08-2004 - 1:54am
Well, I would'nt send an email but then again I'm not the one in love. If the only way you will find some peace is to email him and see what happens then go ahead and email. Either he will answer you or he won't. If he does'nt then you'll know once and for all he does not feel your worth an answer. Then you will know your free to smile at all the handsome young men that pass by. I wish you luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Fri, 10-08-2004 - 3:11pm
Ok, u guys are going to think i am just absolutely crazy, but i'm gonna tell u what all happened last night. I was still debating on rather to write him an e-mail or not....when i got an intstant message from him online. He just said whats up. And i said, not much. So...i heard ur seeing someone. he said who? where did u hear that? I said this girl was talkin' about u at work&it just so happens that she works w/my friend. then i said...'what a small world huh? lol'. then he said what is the girls name. and i said i don't know...but it's the girl u went to the movies w/that night instead of me. And he said oh...i know who ur talkin' about, i went with her and my friend&his girl b/c they wanted me to meet her....it's not like im w/her or anything. I said, it's cool...i was just wondering about it, 'cause if u r looking for someone else then u should have told me that instead of sayin' u dont have time. and he said i'm not looking for any girl&i do have time now that i'm not going to school anymore. then he said i'm not interested in her at all i promise. Then i said, i just feel like ur not interested in me anymore. and he said that he is. he said 'u know what i wish, i wish we could be like ur sister&her husband'. He was sayin' how they're so happy together&they make good money 'n stuff like that. then we just started talkin' about other stuff&we decided to meet later that night. So...i did&we just talked. Nothing really serious...just about work&stuff like that. We did kiss though&...it was startin' to lead into somethin' more. But then he told me that he doesn't want to have sex anymore 'till he's married, 'cause he worries too much about getting me pregnant. And i was kinda just playin', but i said...'so that last time was our last time?' and he said 'unless we get married which is possible someday...i never know what god has planned for me'. I was shocked when he said that. But anyway...i just thought i'd share that with u guys&see how u feel about this...&hear how crazy u guys probably think i am :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 2:42am
It sounds like he could be a really nice guy. If he does'nt want to have sex until he's married he has alot of common sense. To many girls end up alone with a baby and it sounds like he respects you. A rare thing these days. He also talked about being married and making enough money before kids. That's smart. You may have a winner. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Sat, 10-09-2004 - 3:05pm
I just want to say thank you for all the advice u have given me. It has all just made so much sense&it has helped me so much to just have someone to talk to about all my problems&get someone elses opinion on my situation&what i should do. And you're right, he is a really great guy&that is why i try so hard to not let him slip away for good&wanted advice on how I could maybe save what we have together&on how i could get him back. But I'm startin' to see that maybe i should just let things happen on their own...if he decides he wants to be w/me then that would make me the happiest girl in the world. But if things just stay the way they are right now...i guess that wouldn't be too bad either :). Anyway, i just wanted to say thank you
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Sun, 10-10-2004 - 12:24am
I think your right. He sounds like a "take it slow" laid back kinda guy. Let it go at it's own pace and what's right for you both will happen, which ever way it goes. I know, sometimes you just have to vent to someone and hear different view points to clear your thinking. Left to ourselves we can get lost in our own heads and we cant see things clearly. Best of luck to you.

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