young marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2004
young marriage
3
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 10:24pm
I'm new here and this is long... so I thank anyone who reads this and I really appreciate any comments.




Edited 3/2/2004 11:59:39 PM ET by tko16

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2003
In reply to: tko16
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 11:21pm
Where do I start? It sounds as if you were almost forced into this marriage. How old were you when you were married? It must have been way too young. You shouldn't marry someone just because you don't want to break your religous pact and happen to be in love with that person at the time. You have to be sure they are the one person you want to have as a life partner and both of you have similar goals/expectations.

"Here's my delemmia. Were older and although I can't imagion being without him he's more like family and a friend than a mate." Have you been with anyone else? Also, I think you solved your problem when you say he's like family than a mate. You can't have a mate like that it simply does not work.

"We don't have children, and sometimes although I'm not completlely sure if we'll be together, I want to have a child with him so that way we will always have a bond of love together that noone can break., on the other hand I don't know." That's not a good answer. Please don't bring a child into this world as a link to stay in contact with him. A child is born out of a love between two people wishing to make a family together. You do not form a bond through a child for an unbreakable connection with this guy, sorry.

If you are that uncomfortable with him and curious about life outside him then you can still go find your true destiny. Don't worry about what he'll do without you he's a grown man and he will have strength to move on. Don't stay just to make him happy if you're not.

You have to discover who you are before you can share your life with someone and I think you are feeling that desire so you need to go out and discover yourself. The rest will fall in place.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2004
In reply to: tko16
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 11:34pm
Thank you azelea77,

After re-reading my post I sound so lost and desperate, although I consider myself to be a strong independant person. I was 18 and he was 21 when we married. It's so hard cause we do love eachother so much and I feel so close to him. Sometimes I feel like if I ruin the relationship with one of the only people who has cared so whole-heartedly for me, I'll just be left on my own. I may erase the post before the end of the night but I really thank you for the advise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2003
In reply to: tko16
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 11:42pm
You really do deserve to be happy if you've tried to make things work but you feel unfinished. From reading your post it sounds like you are missing what you could have had and are afraid to take that risk since you might loose the only person who has been like family to you. You mentioned you didn't really have family so he is your family but you shouldn't stay married if you don't feel it's right. I think you should take some time to think it all through before doing anything just yet.